It seems like every time somebody comes along with “the next big thing,” I think…”junk,” and say so, and then they wind up making zillions of bucks. So, do yourself a favor, short my sentiments here, and go glam on to as much stock in this as you can squeeze into your IRA, mattress, whichever you have left.
In yet another attempt to stick it’s fingers in the money goo, Google not long ago teamed-up with fueling system supplier Gilbarto Veeder-Root to equip Internet-enabled gas pumps with the Applause Media System, featuring Google Maps. The setup is supposed to, among other things, allow lost motorists to find themselves, hungry road warriors to feed themselves (and save money doing it with printable coupons), and sleep depraved drivers to scroll around a local map in search for a cot, and free HBO.
What’s wrong with this picture? Well, the top one is just fine, with my edits. But the unedited version, just above, and this whole idea - here’s my take.
Firstly, with gas over $4.00/gallon, you’ve got more money than sense than to be driving, let alone plan a trip without knowing where the best gas prices can be found. OK, excuse - you were in a hurry when you left, and now the battery in your Blackberry is dead. What’s to stop you from pulling up to this web-pump and surfing over to GasBuddy just to make sure Omar inside there is not gouging you, when gas can be had at three-cents cheaper across the street? No foul here, I mean everybody will tell you there is no money to be made at gas pumps, they are merely loss-leaders to get you inside to buy a pack of “square-nabs,” that’s where the real money is.
I guess on a practical level, if your Blackberry truly is dead and you are wayward, this “innovation” could be a godsend. Getting lost out there is brutal. Nobody knows where they are. It’s like, they know they will not get, nor keep, a job at a gas/convenience store unless they act directionally challenged. It’s a rule, printed in the 7-11 employee handbook. It might even be an Arabian sub-terror plot to keep you lost to buy more of their gas.
Talk about frustration and possible road rage, ever get this - “Hmm, I’ve lived here all my life and I’ve never heard of I-40, sorry. Bubba might know, but he’s on dinner break.” You get so upset, you wind up buying gas or “square-nabs” just to calm the nerves. Stupid? It works. They get the sale.
Another reason this thing is just plain dumb relates to patience, or our lack thereof. Waiting in line for anything just plain sucks. We are talking silent wishes for a drive-by shooting of the idiot in front of you with nothing better to do than Google for directions to the best route to discover the “World’s Largest Pecan.”
Maybe though, after a tough day on the thirsty trail, you decide to print out and use that gratuitous 5%-off coupon at the Motel 6, and kick back with the free in-room color TV. Maybe then you’ll have a greater grasp of the local 7:00 “action” news blurting, “Elderly couple flattened at local gas station, right after a word from our sponsor; Google.”
“Breaker-Breaker, good buddy. Howzit lookin’ over your donkey?”
Yeah, gas prices hurt. Check out these peeps fuming in line for the “crisis” at 81 cents/gallon. If you were rich, before you could even get to the “square-nabs,” you might have passed the time untangling the tape in your eight-track installed by your bro’inlaw, or rappin’ on the CB radio. “What’s a Blackberry, Internet…huh?” Some things are a bit better, I suppose.
Do y’all remember when Jimmy Carter was in the White House and his Bubba Brother; Billy would come over and help with the foodage and a beer or three? Me neither. Must have been good times for all.
So, maybe Barack Obama will get his taste back for chicken dinners and head over to Grandma’s for Sunday supper. I dunno, it’s a stretch.
Someday former President Bush brought the post victory party nosh.
PHILLY: We will not spend a bunch of time on this, as you aren’t going to either. The final results are in from last night’s Republican primary in Pennsylvania, and presumptive Republican John McCain, Senator from out west won in the Presidential race. Also rans and Republicans, ditto, losers, were Ron Paul who got shy about 16% of the votes and Mike Huckabee with a tad bit over 11%. McCain got the rest, and there were almost 762,000 votes chadded, so, you can do the math. There were 74 Republican delegates up for grabs, and because Pennsylvania is a “winner-grabs-all” state, that means McCain.
When McCain was declared the winner in Pennsylvania, campaign workers celebrated the victory with a pizza. See above.
Over in Scranton, PA, where some other people were also eating, Barack Obama, The Democrat wannabe answer to what John McCain is, was asked a question, now forever to be known as “the waffle question,” (partly because as everybody knows, answering a question with a question is called “waffling,” which is a close cousin to, but not quite the same as a “flip-flop.”) and answered; “Why can’t I just eat my waffle?”
We had to go, but heard that Obama did indeed eat.
Kim’s been so dang busy on the set keeping up with the rest of the Kardashian’s, and a Jenner or two, that we’ve barely had time to follow the doings of the tush.
“Bumpin’ Booties” with Kim Kardashian
That’s one BIG cop, heY! Yes, there is a physical test which you must pass in a flat 4 minutes and 28 seconds before becoming a flat foot in New York City. From what I understand, “continuing phys-ed” is not required once you’re on the role growing your career in force, but, the initial Job Standards Test (JST) requires:
Running 50 feet to and over a six foot wall.
Climb up and down six stair steps thrice.
Arm wrestle contest with a machine.
Jog about some traffic cones for 600 feet.
Drag a 176 pound doll for 35 feet.
Grab a fake pistol, stick it through a circle, “shoot” it 15 times, switch hands, do it 16 more.
Training tips are available on the NYPD Recruit web site, outwardly;“avoid junk food and concentrate on a well balanced diet for several days before the test.”
Mayor Bloomberg - are you listening? You could trim the cities bloated budget and start a new fitness craze, called “Coppin’ Kim’s Calisthenics” or something. Imagine the hype;
“Do you want ‘buns of Kardashian?’ Now, you too can be the butt with a one-time commitment of only four minutes and twenty-eight seconds. What are you waiting for? Get those yershiks outta your mouth and call today.”
I know, a little rough around the edges, but Spitzer’s not doing anything, get him busy on it. No doubt Kim will go for the money, particularly since Britney Spears just beat her out to be the new model gym-chick for Bally Total Fitness. Whatever. Anything is better than boozin’ around Beverly Hills and fender-bending Bentleys, I guess.
You know the economy is bad when nothing, and I mean NOTHING is going on in Hollywood worthy of reporting. What to do when you need a story, and can’t even find a Yorkie to kick down Rodeo Drive? Hmm. GOT IT! What say we check in with Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Frederic, and catch a glow of what he’s been up to, what fun, heY!
But first, up for a bit of sport? How about a multiple choice quiz, I’ll call it Truth or Dare Paparazzi, where you, are the Photog, and your mission is to get a pic of Zsa Zsa Gabor. (Told you things were slow). As with anything worth doing, this is not going to be easy, and there is a “price” to be paid. So, to get the winning shot, which are you more willing to endure?
a) Getting a rep for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.
b) Getting a fat lip from an old person who thinks he’s a younger man and an old monarch for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.
c) Wasting three years by suing an old person who thinks he’s a younger man and an old monarch for giving you a fat lip for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.
d) Gah, I dunno, all of the above.
I know, tough choices, but, this is Hollywood, land of “Greed is Good,” so take answer “d”, be safe and go for it all.
This is exactly what photographer Dirk Smeten, age unknown, did, saying he worried he would be killed when Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband slugged him in the face three years ago on a Beverly Hills street corner.
In his legal complaint, Dirk claimed Frederic von “Ask Him” (Gabor’s husband) aged apx. 75, was in the vicinity and began punching him about the lips while Smeten photographed him and/or Zsa Zsa Gabor, aged apx. 92, in May 2005. According to the complaint, the blow(s) caused Smeten to fall down in suffering with lip lacerations, cuts to his face, swelling, pain, high blood pressure, headaches and stress symptoms, to which Smeten continues to this day to get psychiatric care.
Herr von “All Sprechen” said he initially wanted to give Smeten about twenty large for busting on his chops, but Smeten opted for the long court road home in search of $137,000. On Friday, the court awarded Dirk $4,510, about right I’d say, after three years of negative economic adjustments.
A search for Smeten for comment turned out to be fruitless, however, von “Au Lait” was sited in West Hollywood savoring a Starbucks and sucking a stogie, and graciously consented to the following interview:
(Click pic for interview after the jump in new browser window or copy to http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1509417576)
PS: There is an awful lot of this stuff rearing its ___(s) (pick whichever body part you delight to complete descriptive) on the WWW as of late - again. I dunno, it seems whenever the world’s economy gets stuck, or there are mindless, ceaseless wars, its deja vu with all this conspiracy talk. For me, it’s human nature to want to blame somebody else for problems, but re-hashing the same tired arguments is - tired. Now I love a good conspiracy story, and often they make compelling page-turners, but debates are always won on facts. Making the rounds once again thanks to the “illumaniti,” as it has since World War II, is this preponderance of evidence that the world’s wealthiest families, e.g.; Rockefellers, Rothchilds, Warburgs, DuPonts, Easys, etc., form this secret-private coalition/cartel with designs to control banks, soverign nations, oceans, whatever. These stories have made many an author rich, famous, and infamous. To the latter, I refer to that great poet and visionary pioneer of the “modernist” movement, from Hailey, Idaho; the late Ezra Pound. Fascinating guy, became an on-air radio Nazi propagandist and Mussolini sympathiser whilst living in Europe, turned himself in in 1945 for treason against the United States, had what appeared to some as a nervous breakdown, plead insanity at his trial (treason is supposed to be a capital offense) and spent 13 years in a mental facility; St. Elizabeths in Washington, DC. Following his release, he declared “America is a lunatic asylum,” and motored back to his favored Italy, where he died in 1972.Sad, but it is noted, some of his best work ensued during this, his “blue period” hospital days, leading many to question his “insanity.” Pound, among other things, knew how to tell and sell a story, and favoured grand conspiracies. Among the better tales, was that of the history of the United States Federal Reserve and how the wealthy of the world conspired to control the banking system and start World War’s I and II for personal profit. Whilst a mental patient, Pound was permitted a few privileges, including a personal researcher; Mr. Eustace Mullins of Roanoke, Virginia, who had been fired by the Library of Congress, to assist with Pound’s literary career. Pound commissioned Mullins to write the story, cautioning care to “tell it like a detective story.” The book; “Secrets of the Federal Reserve,” was the product, and has been re-written in subsequent books by others many times since. All decent and compelling page turners, all frought with inaccuracies and historical mis-statements of facts, all bunk. Read them if you have time and desire, I’ve read them all, and will even loan you my copies, if needed (borrowed from somebody else, heY!). Alas, all the doods from the “modernist” movement are now dead and gone; Yeats, Sandburg, Hemmingway, etc., save one lone survivor; Eustace Mullins. Enjoy Mr. Mullins views of the world in the short interviews below. Today, Mullins serves on the editorial staff of the far-right Willis Carto’s “American Free Press” and is a contributing editor to the “Barnes Review.” A word of caution to those who care about men suffering obviously from “Oldtimers,” - Mullins, as you will see, is, like many of his peers, a devout anti-semite. Sigh. Lastly, believe whatever you want to believe, I say. Can’t live your life in the baby seat. Just, be careful.
At the papal Mass at Washington, D.C.’s Nationals Park this morning, 46,000 were in attendance, and to partake of Holy Communion, including Senators John Kerry, Chris Dodd, and Ted Kennedy.
Kennedy, a Catholic, conspicuously remained seated as his row was called for Communion, whilst Senate brethren Kerry and Todd showed no reservation.
“Blasphemy, Sacrilege!” Or…better, “Scandal - Kennedy loses taste for alcohol!”
Before anybody blows a Catechism, sorry, none of the above. Turns out, only Kennedy did the right (hmm) thing. Surprised? Read on…
Ranking authorities in the Vatican, and indeed the Pope himself, have insisted that pro-abortion politicians be denied Holy Communion. Kennedy, Kerry, and Dodd each hold public stances favoring abortion.
Francis Cardinal Arinze, the Prefect of the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments, speaking at a Catholic family conference in Ohio last November confirmed that pro-abortion politicians must be denied communion. He referenced a 2004 letter on the subject sent by then-Cardinal Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI, who said that such politicians “must” be refused Communion.
Several prominent US bishops with the leading of now-retired Washington Cardinal Theodore McCarrick have refused to follow such direction from Rome.
Paris Hilton was not observed among the faithful, and Britney Spears was not contacted for comment.
One thing I sorta like about the gym I use, are the TV’s hanging above the cardio-tormentors, helpful in losing track of the monotony of losing what I’m there for. What’s bad though, is that all 300 sets are forever stuck on loser channels, like QVC, without a remote to be found, because anybody who flipped there in the first place is too embarrassed to “fess-up” to where they hid the control.
Today, I guess I scared the guy on the bike beside mine when I said, “Lord, take my eyes…I don’t need them anymore!” Yup, beyond belief, there it/they were, resplendent in colors and fabrics both unknown to nature - “Member’s Only” jackets. Is this even possible that somebody is actually trying, and will likely succeed, in making a buck comeback off these things? Gah. The audio was down, and I was hoping what I was of witness was a PSA advising of high threat risk conditions including, le gasp, a redux of a low fashion spark of boys of the 1980’s.
Have you ever tried to scream and a yawn came out instead? Yeah, well, I did, and come on people, say no to this! Surely this is not what Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton mean when they say, “we want change!” Or, maybe it is, who knows, I usually turn the audio down on them too. I dunno, I just accept that when something, like, dies, it’s dead, and then the worms come and it’s over, right? Wrong, and not to be with “Member’s Only” jackets - they’re back, and with a big price tag - $1,000.00 at haute trendsters like Revolve Clothing in Cerritos, California (huh, where?, left on Rodeo, Tehran?). Yikes!
“It’s back, and this time it’s not just for the guys anymore. Members Only now offers new twists to the classic and a fit specifically tailored for the female form. Time to get that retro vibe back– tracing to the success of the jacket that defined outerwear in the 1980’s.” Reg. $990. ~ Revolve Clothing
If you don’t know anything about these bad, and badly made jackets, good for you, but maybe you came to appreciate their “totally tubular, gag me with a spoon” ad slogan, stolen in later years by some condom company; “when you put it on, something happens.” Sounds like something George Bush would say to Iran’s Mahmoud Ahmadinejad following a half-assed nuclear rant. Speaking of which, have you noticed, Mahmoud, the diminutive despot dons a “Member’s Only” jacket with great frequency? He loves the damn thing, and calls it a “Ahmadinejad Jacket.” Groovy. (I feel a big scream-yawn coming on).
Actually, though, I think Mahmoud is the perfect plate for this unfortunate fashion retro-faux-pas. People, third-world dictators are so eighties, and so deja-vu, ever since smart bombs hit Air Force wing tips. Seriously, the chode almost needs a booster seat, defying gravity at 5′4″ in height, and wear’s a “Member’s Only” jacket! No accounting for guts, I guess, but stick a 5:00 shadow on Carol and Mike’s domestic, and you’d swear Alice and Mahmoud were separated at birth. So very Brady, heY!
Anyhow, enough of this. “Rots-a-ruck” to some erstwhile rag merchant named Kirtie Regan, who managed to dig-up the dead for a license to re-issue, certainly not my father’s jacket. I had zippo interest in interviewing Kirtie for this rip-stopping piece, but you can do it by contacting (not kidding):
DWHAJ, KILOPATIE SINGH AKA KILOPATIE SINGH DWHAJ-REGAN AND MAUREEN REGAN, 24 Horatio Street, Apt. 3, New York, NEW YORK 10014.
Still think you want one? HA! Go re-watch the movie Shallow Hal and see Gwyneth Paltrow ask Jason Alexander if he’s the last member of the club when she sees him wearing a “Members Only” Jacket. Better yet, why not put one on - your revolving MasterCard, and watch what happens at 27.5% interest, compounded monthly. Now…the scream, it happened.
”It’s not surprising… they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them…”
“Religion is a bulwark, a foundation when other things aren’t going well. That’s true in my own life.”
~ Senator Barack Obama - “The Bitter Speech,” San Fransisco, CA, 13 April, 2008.
First, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright thing didn’t work out so good, and now - the speech - another religious Obama-bomba. So, it should surprise nobody that Barack Obama would try to put some new clothes on the bitter beast by naming his “National Catholic Advisory Committee.”
“The Nomination Process Works In Mysterious Ways…”
I have no clue what role these esteemed people are supposed to play, but do note, according to the just published Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life,Catholics make up a whopping 24% of Americans over the (voting) age of 18. What a divine coincidence!
Since “things aren’t going well,” here is the “foundation” Obama is “clinging” to as advisors in all issues Catholic, I suppose:
The Obama Catholic Kitchen Cabinet:
National Co-Chairs -
Senator Bob Casey;
Representative Patrick Murphy (PA-08);
Former Congressman Tim Roemer, President of the Center for National Policy;
Governor Kathleen Sebelius of Kansas;
Governor Tim Kaine of Virginia;
Tom Chabolla, Assistant to the President, Service Employees International Union;
Victoria Reggie Kennedy, President, Common Sense About Kids and Guns;
Sr. Jamie Phelps, O.P., Professor of Theology, Xavier University;
Sr. Catherine Pinkerton, Congregation of St. Joseph.
National Steering Committee -
Mary Jo Bane, Professor, Harvard Kennedy School;
Nicholas P. Cafardi, Catholic Author and Scholar, Pittsburgh, PA;
Lisa Cahill, Professor of Theology, Boston College;
M. Shawn Copeland, Associate Professor of Theology, Boston College;
Ron Cruz, Leadership Development Consultant, Burke, VA;
Sharon Daly, Social Justice Advocate, Knoxville, MD;
Richard Gaillardetz, Murray/Bacik Professor of Catholic Studies, University of Toledo;
Grant Gallicho, Associate Editor, Commonweal Magazine;
Sr. Margaret Gannon, IHM, Scranton, PA;
Don Guter, Judge Advocate General of the Navy (2000-2002); Rear Admiral, Judge Advocate General’s Corps, U.S. Navy (Ret.), Pittsburgh, PA;
Cathleen Kaveny, Professor of Law and Professor of Theology, University of Notre Dame;
Jim Kesteloot, President and Executive Director, Chicago Lighthouse;
Vincent Miller, Associate Professor of Theology, Georgetown University.
The French singing the National Anthem of the United States? Just when you thought it was safe to swim in The Seine…
Imagine! France Sings For The USA
Before KJ and my other brothers from France blows a brie, here’s the deal. This is all about Pangea Day, and you can visit their site here: Pangeaday http://www.pangeaday.org/
There are links to their MySpaz and Facelook pages you can avail of, should you be so inclined. The whole thing is a pretty good idea, I think, and stuff like this is badly needed in our, ahem, interesting, world, heY!
The Pangea Day Mission & Purpose
Pangea Day is a global event bringing the world together through film.
Why? In a world where people are often divided by borders, difference, and conflict, it’s easy to lose sight of what we all have in common. Pangea Day seeks to overcome that – to help people see themselves in others – through the power of film.
The Pangea Day Event
Starting at 18:00 GMT on May 10, 2008, locations in Cairo, Kigali, London, Los Angeles, Mumbai, and Rio de Janeiro will be linked for a live program of powerful films, live music, and visionary speakers. The entire program will be broadcast – in seven languages – to millions of people worldwide through the internet, television, and mobile phones.
Somebody laughed and asked me; “Can you imagine Americans singing Le Marseillaise to the French?” Of course I can, that’s a cheap shot, and here’s Humphrey Bogart doing just this:
Casablanca - French National Anthem
So, touche, heY! Now, the real question is…ehrm, does anybody know the words to Land der Berge? (hint: it’s a piece by Mozart)
If you are a “I’m between Jobs” mortgage banker and are searching for work in the industry, well, you better be good at what you do - damn good.
A buddy with many years mortgage lending experience in the “A paper” stuff, non-subprime, is caught up in this mess with a vanquished career, replete with all the requisite perks - AKA he’s SOL, screwed, just as badly as the growing population of millions of now homeless “American dreamers.”
Nobody knows how big this mortgage problem is, and the reasons “why not” are many, but, $trillions is a safe working figure. So, in trying to help my bud in his hour, I’m brain-storming, “one man’s misery is another’s gain,” or such, and surely the beleagured banks need experienced people in work-out or turn-around roles, and who better to fill this niche than the very people who actually know the mortgage business? “Great thought, been there, pitched that,” my friend said. His job search has resulted in only rejections and no, zero interest from the banks and/or head-hunters, short of lip-service to what one would think is an obvious first course solution. The banks, are simply not hiring.
Hmm. Banks not interested in hiring well qualified people to protect assets and serve customers, this I had to see for myself. I surfed over to the employment pages of Bank of America and Countrywide Home Loans, and found thousands of jobs at both sites, all over the United States. I picked these two, as my friend had been rejected for various jobs applied for by both, and as they say, might as well start at the top, go to the mountain.
After all, talking big, Bank of America holds more of American’s money than any other bank, and Countrywide is/was/might still be, the nation’s #1 mortgage lender. Now, with all these advertised jobs and choice locations all over the country, I just had to test this, but knew my resume wouldn’t get past the mail room shredder.
What I did next was admittedly cheesy, and please know I am not a tit-for-tat kind of guy, but necessity commanded this “science experiment” continue. Gentle readers, I am far from being alone in realizing we are on the ledge of the worst economic abyss ever seen, so criticize my methodology, if desired, after all, in the end, it’s only money.
Here it is. I applied for various positions at both of the afore-mentioned in locations throughout the land using my real name, supplemented with the cirriculum vitale of Ken Lewis and Angelo Mozilo, Chairmen of Bank of America and Countrywide respectively. Sure, I left out details of Ken’s days selling True Grit magazine and shoes door-to-door, and Angelo’s uncanny ability to keep a Cote d’Azur tan in such gloomy fiscal weather, but the rest is just as factual as they themselves publicly share.
It didn’t take long, usually less than 24 hours from time of application to learn my fate. Surprisingly, to me anyhow, what I got, repeatedly, was exactly the same result as my friend - no, zero interest from either “employer.” No phone calls, no “snail-mail,” no interviews, only somewhat polite email rejections, such as this, to wit:
Countrywide received your application for the position of 1st VP, Foreclosure-10060916. We appreciate your interest in Countrywide, however, at this time we have chosen to pursue other candidates whose experience more closely aligns with the requirements for the position.
We will retain your candidate profile in our applicant database. If you have chosen to be updated via e-mail, you will be informed of new Countrywide opportunities that match the criteria you selected.
We also invite you to visit our career site, www.countrywidecareers.com, to view other jobs and to update your profile.
Thank you for your interest in Countrywide.
Sincerely,
Countrywide Recruitment Department
Again, I’m not a banker, so if my mental process is incorrect, I’ll accept that. It’s just that it seems to me that if a guy with the qualities of the Chairman of the Board is good enough to get into such a cluster headache, he ought to be good enough to…well, you know. Whatever, it’s only money.
Please note. We don’t use foul language much here, but kinda feel like this silly story is an OK excuse, so, if the ‘S__it’ word offends you, well, we apologize, and just quit reading or hide the kidz and read on or mebe get over it, OK. ~ The ED
COME ON, HOW DO THEY KNOW THIS SHIT?
WASHINGTON — New evidence shows humans lived in North America more than 14,000 years ago, 1,000 years earlier than had previously been known.
Discovered in a cave in Oregon, fossil feces yielded DNA indicating these early residents were related to people living in Siberia and East Asia, according to a report in Thursday’s online edition of the journal Science. Lord only knows how they figured out these guys were Siberians and not tourists from neighboring Washington State.
Somebody who supposedly knows his shit said, “This is the first time we have been able to get dates that are undeniably human.” Lucky ducks. Shit. Lately, none of my dates have been human.
Few artifacts were found in the cave, like magazines or cigarette butts, leading the discoverers to speculate that these culprits stayed there only a few days before moving on, perhaps following game animals or looking for a Burger King or cleaner facilities.
The petrified poop — coprolites to scientists — crapola to you and me, is yielding a look at the diet of these ancient excreters.
While the analysis is not yet complete, they say it is composed of bones of squirrels, bison hair, fish scales, protein from birds and dogs and the remains of plants such as grass and sunflowers - Yum! Alright, with a diet like this, is speculation really required as to why these peeps moved on from a cave with no windows or exhaust fan? I mean, who hangs around after taking a shit, gah.
The journal went on to say scientists aren’t clear exactly who these people living in the Oregon caves were. Well, no shit. I mean, with no phone numbers or nudies etched on the walls, it could have been anybody, including some ancient Senator or whoever, heY!
Unbelievable. I want this job. Can I email my resume?
Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either, but there it was. I was simply sitting around and wondering what Dick Cheney was up to and, you know, things like; what’s he plotting to do once he’s not in Washington anymore and such, and then the whole experience got me hungry, so anyhow, I went to the pantry and got some snack crackers, Triscuits, my fave, and as you can glow here, seeing is believing!
Times being what they are, I’m prob gonna put this on eBay, but save yourself some dough and shout me first to own this oddity for your kidz or grandkidz or showing out or whatevers, heY!
“If misery loves company, misery has company enough.” ~ Henry David Thoreau
Ain’t it the truth, Thoreau. Remember when Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump got into their glam-slam-fest, with Rosie calling The Donald, “nothing more than a snake-oil salesman,” and Himself confusing us with legal jargon, “Rosie’s a loser. A real loser. I look forward to taking lots of money from my nice fat little Rosie.”
Hopefully, that fatuity is not clogging a court calendar someplace, but I could not help but notice my email in-box crammed with Trump spam pitching the latest course offering from Trump University - “Fast Track to Foreclosure Investing.” It’s bad. Really bad, and goes on to read:
The Time is Now to Profit from Foreclosure! A “Perfect Storm” of events has made investing in foreclosure properties better than ever - and now’s the time for you to profit…
WITH A SUB-PRIME LENDING CRISIS, Balloon payments coming to term, borrowers losing equity in high-value homes, and a home market turned upside down by recent events, there are right now literally thousands of under-valued properties–many in your area–ready to be purchased far below market value and sold high…
Ugh. I don’t want to fall prey to being called a “loser” by saying Donald Trump is a “snake-oil salesman,” so my advice is - go for it! I mean, if you’ve got kids bound for college, and want them to have a Wharton degree to write and sell just like Donald here, this might be the, “nice fat little Rosie” you’ve been looking for, hey!
Naive, I’m not. I realize opportunists have been exploiting the misery of others since long before Jesus wept, but, well, I’ll just leave it by saying, Donald Trump is not moving up any faster on my cocktail party guest list.
Anyhow, click that link above, or here, and take your pick of Trump University seminar locations in curiously, non-Trump branded motels and resorts across America, from San Diego to Hartford, and attend for free (I think). You’ll need to enroll on-line, which gets you a (I think) free DVD, and guaranteed Trump spam for life.
What is truly amazing to me, is that all this is coming from the same Donald that felt the need to create Trump Mortgage way back in April, 2006 and told us “Trump Mortgage is going to take better care of people than anyone in the mortgage industry ever has.” The company’s president, E. J. Ridings, of course, agreed, adding, “The housing boom has attracted a variety of people into this business, not all of them honest, I really believe that the public needs and wants a safe place to get a mortgage.” Ridings was subsequently evicted from the firm in humiliation for falsely documenting his employment with his, say, “sub-prime,” dis-honest resume. Trump Mortgage itself imploded this past summer with less than two years loan “seasoning.”
You know, if you are in a, not so long ago bankrupt, Trump Casino, it’s a safe bet to take that a former Trump Mortgage employee is now facing foreclosure, or is saving his miserable roof by teaching this brand of disaster capitalism at a seminar slithering near you soon! I wonder if Rosie is free for drinks this evening?
OK Google, very funny, April Fools, I know, but dang - if this were true, just imagine the increased subscriber base. If you have an internet email account with Google, perhaps you were, or were not greeted and fooled by today’s log-in screen, touting great new handy features, such as post dating and pick your own time stamps. For a second there, I was going to…oh, never mind.
