HAVING A PROCLIVITY TO PROLIXITY…
The 2008 Annual Profiles In Plagiarism Award
What in the world is Barack Obama thinking? Joe Biden as his running mate? I can only guess that Biden’s failing marks at Syracuse Law School gives Barack comfort in knowing Joe is not the one who is above his “grade.” Good luck with this guy.
1987 P in P winner Joe Biden chats it up with 2003 recipient Jayson Blair
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So, I dunno what all the fuss is about with the press and the Chinese gymnasts.
I’ve been behind the scenes and it looks like the gurls are sticklers for the rules, if you ask me. Oh yeah, and Beijing is pronounced with a hard “J” as in; “Jingle,” not some franco-fied gutteral “je.” The Chinese don’t really care though. That is, as long as you are spending money.
All of the “Friendlies” were sighted over at the Pole Dancing Venue. It was a bit difficult to get tickets, but we slid in.
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WHAT I HEARD…
Gregorians Senator John McCain and President Mikheil Saakashvili
“And I had a little chat with Mickey, and I told him that speaking on behalf of all us, “We are all Gregorians.”
I’m sorry, I like Christmas music and all, but I’m afraid John McCain does not chant for me in this one.
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Imagine…Just you and your mouse, and maybe a pad, assuming you are above the high water mark on your sub-prime mortgage, pitted against three other unemployed’s; Howard Stern, John Edwards, and (Not A Prince – see #13) Frederic Anhalt, squirming along and prodded to simply answer a question by your host Larry Craig! What Fun! Some Fathers/Wannabes and the games they play are so overated!
Howard Stern, Larry Craig, John Edwards, and Frederic Anhalt - Players, All!
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“It depends…on what the definition of ‘ain’t’ – ain’t.”
Senator John Edwards and "Baby Ain't"
“Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby” written by Louis Jordan and Billy Austin in 1944. “Is” was a Billboard Number One chart topper.
I got a gal whos always late, anytime we have a date but i love her, yes i love her I'm gunna walk right up to her gate and see if i can get it straight cause I want her I'm gunna ask her Is you is or is you aint my baby? the way you're acting latley makes me doubt you's is still my baby, baby seize my flame and your hearts' done and gone out A woman is a creature, that has always been strange just when your sure of one, you find shes gone and made a change Is you is or is you aint my baby? maybe babys found somebody new or is my baby still my baby true? (x2)
IS YOU IS ~ TOM and JERRY
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CHAPEL HILL, NC: Following the yawning revelation of Ex North Carolina Senator and Democratic Presidential wannabe John Edwards admission of cheating on his wife Elizabeth, John was sighted at the back stoop of his compound beginning his “healing process.” The family cat was available, but offered no comment.
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Idiot. Born in a Box.
THE REZZZZULTZ ARE IN! THE “BUZZIE” GOES TO…
Blimey. Have a decko at this thing called the:
A “Stunning S-shaped rechargeable massaging vibrator from Fun Factory. Powerful multispeed orgasmic pulsations are controlled on the handle’s built-in unit – easy to use whether you want a strong massage or G-spot-stimulating penetration. Quiet and discreet, and only £99.99,” which is (what time is it?) about $155.00 in USA bangles and ben was.
(Sea) Horse Hockey! That thang is nothing more than a found warehouse load of unwanted, thus unsold Sea Monkeys that made the mail order rounds 20,000 leagues ago. Somebody in the UK got stuck with these, and put a toggle on it, and voila! A sex toy happened, which is a whole bunch more than I got when I put my seamonkey seeds in H-squared-O, boy, was I pissed!
Anyhow, back in April, London’s leading “boutique d’ amour,” LoveHoney, teamed up with Company magazine to launch the first ever UK Sex Toy Awards.
But rather than leave the important business of reviewing the vibrators to a self-appointed panel of so-called experts (limey-talk meaning the pre-owned vibrator market is dead in Britain), the UK Sex Toy Awards were judged by the people whose opinions matter most, the use-eez’s!
More than 1,000 Company readers applied to be a UK Sex Toy Awards judge, and 20 lucky applicants were chosen to review 10 vibrators worth more than £300! Better than US peeps watching their sub-primes ratchet up, I reckon.
So, I say, lucky indeed, good show and all that!
Anita C. here, a 32 year old office manager in Surrey, England sez; “Following my relationship break-up I’m discovering the delights of being single. This is the perfect opportunity to further my self discovery.” We say, keep plenty of batteries on hand Anita, your fascination with the world of solo opportunities has only just begun.
Nicola S. up there, a 21 year old student howling in from County Antrim goes off with; “My boyfriend (not pictured – just kidding, Nic!) and I will be celebrating our first year anniversary soon and think this would be an ideal way of celebrating.” We say, although it’s obvious you don’t get out much, it would be ideal if y’all get a room at the Durkee Inn or such, you know, keep the fete kinda low key.
Cheerio, and can’t wait ’til next year!
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Long Live the Queen…of the Briney!
“A bubble is how a child’s breath can make something beautiful…from nothing – just like God made the universe. Do bubbles have to break?”
Mr. Bubble passed away this last Tuesday evening, as announced from his Hamilton, NJ home by short-term corporate family associate and restructuring officer; Doug Booth. The official cause of death was a brief bout of bankruptcy, however, those who knew Mr. Bubble, attributed his demise to an agonizing and protracted struggle against avarice, after firstly suffering from a self-inflicted business roll-up some few years earlier. According to the bankruptcy obituary, Mr. Bubble is survived by three layers of debt; levereged, senior and junior, neither of which had anything left to speak of.
Had Mr. Bubble lived, he would have been 88, being born of the Lander family in 1920. Mr. Bubble’s father gained his reputation selling perfumes such as “Romantic Days” and “Samedi Soir.” Lander relinquished his prodigy several times before it was adopted by the Hermes Group, a private equity firm, in 2003, according to the perfunctory regulatory inquest.
Two years later, Lander was placed in another consumer-products home, and took in Mr. Bubble from Playtex in 2007 to reside with Coty’s “Healing Garden.” Final arrangements for the disposition of Mr. Bubble’s remains, if any, are being handled by the firm of Houlihan, Lokey, Howard & Zukin.
And so it goes, but begs the question – in business, is greed ever good? Greed, as opposed to what – honest competition, ambition and hard work? In my grief, I’m going to think about that, as I reflect on fond memories of growing up squeaky clean with Mr. Bubble. It’s just kind of sad, and likewise ironic, that the first business roll-ups to be done in the 1970’s were Mom and Pop funeral homes and neighborhood trash haulers. Tech bubble, stock market bubble, Don Ho and “Tiny Bubbles,” housing bubble – so long, Mr. Bubble…
YOUR MOTHER WON’T KNOW YOU (vintage commercial, and only 49 cents!)
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STARBUCKS GRANDE DEAL…
Moovie Me!
Looking to bring more “value-oriented” (Madison Avenue speak for broke, but alert) consumers through its doors for a late afternoon caffeine fix, Starbucks Corp. said it will now offer its morning customers any iced Grande beverage for $2 after 2 p.m.
The price is a big cut from the normal price of most grande-sized iced drinks. A Grande iced latte, for example, costs about $4. To get the discount, assuming you have any room left on your home equity line, customers must present a receipt from their morning Starbucks visit. (Didn’t make it in this morning? Look for hovering receipt scalpers.)
We are not impressed. Even at $2, it’s still a $1 market. Not so, according to Brad Stevens, vice president of customer relationship management for Starbucks, saying, “I think we’ve kind of hit the nail on the head, It’s easy for baristas to implement and it’s easy for customers to understand.”
Wow. It must be incredibly difficult for Starbucks management to haul their “Venti” brains out of bed to come up with this stuff. I have no doubt this gimmick will be successful in pumping out a bunch of the bilge this afternoon, but the bottom line is as fundamental as the bottom of the boat; the price to get on board is just too dang high. “It’s the economy, stupid!”
One thing is certain. A tsunami of calories are going to be ingested this afternoon, and the weight of the world will shift into a high gravity alert. You do the math. Some of those Starbucks adult, wannabe a kiddie, beverages are upwards of 500 calories per Grande. There are 3,500 calories in one pound of weight, and there are over 15,000 Starbucks filling stations.
But, two bucks is two bucks, and if you are going to take advantage of this magnanimous offer, here’s a link to the handy Starbucks Calorie Counter. This will not only help you decide what’s going in you, but hopefully, will get you stimulated to “move it” in line a bit faster. Know that a cup of “Um,” “I can’t decide,” and “Give me a minute,” is not on the menu board. Oh, and a final tip: Grande iced tea is only $1.85, today’s sucker order.
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“YO BARRY, SPOT ME A FIVER, BRAH…”
"Oh. It's an old American thing. Back when they had money, they put pics of dead presidents on their bills."
“The Stovepipe. Hmm, I’m not sure. Somebody really should poll the hoodie wearing community and take their pulse on this.”
Was there a racial dimension to what Barack Obama said in his speech last week in Missouri? You know, the part about how he doesn’t look like the people on dollar bills.
Obama’s senior campaign person; Robert Gibbs says no. Obama says yes. Voters say; “Dunno, what’s a dollar bill look like?”
Seriously, does anybody really care? “Rome” is burning, “Nero” Bush fiddles, Congress adjourns for a long, paid, summer holiday, and come November, if there are any voters left standing, unless they walk, beats me how they are going to get to the polls.
Other than acknowledge there are serious problems facing America, neither Barack Obama nor John McCain have offered anything substantive to say. Is there any wonder why the public interest in Britney Spears and Paris Hilton? I mean, whatever it is that they do, at least they’ve got homes, food, and lots of gas money. Maybe, “Enquiring Minds,” want to know; “what’s their secret?”
Phil Gramm got it wrong! Americans are not “whiners,” we’re just dead – broke! If ever there was a time for a White or Black Knight, and if that’s racist, bring him/her on, I’ll vote for it.
McCAIN CAMPAIGN AD
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