TOM CRUISE IS THE MAN!
See? I’m not making this stuff up, y’all!
It’s in the newspaper because they got it from Reuters, and I had a dream about it, which I confirmed here on the Internet, so there – it’s true. Tom Cruise is planning to build a $10 million bunker underneath his house in Colorado in preparation for the end of the world. I’m not having any doubts about the tail end of the last sentence, and here’s how I got there (without help from Glen Beck).
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, just told us there are no gays in Iran, and thinking about this rationally, surely this is true. Yes, sadly, he’s executed four or five thousand people during his terror tenure for their, or his sexual preference, but others are sharper than their, perceived or otherwise, heterosexual Iranian dictators and religious zealots, and simply moved. I mean, the end of the world is pretty heady stuff, and for me, I’m not spending the last days of it in Iran with “Ahmad” man. Remember, this is the dood that saw an aura of light about his head and lips while speaking at the United Nations, and even made a vid about – scary stuff.
Catch a glow of this U.N. aura, heY!
Anyhow, Tom is definitely on to something here, and bear in mind that he is not gay because he said so, and forget about that book; “Open Secret – Gay Hollywood,” all fiction. But what just happened to Tom’s so-called unauthorized photographer nemesis, David Hans Schmidt; “The Sultan of Sleaze,” found dead in his Arizona home today – suicide? Hmm, and why was he a Sultan anyhow?
TRAVEL TIP – Tom Cruise-esque western dress and hair styles are not a good fashion idea if going to Iran.
And what about the “I’m not gay” Senator Larry Craig – why was he making that speech, not from Iran, but from the United States where nobody cares, except maybe for the Gay Old Pedophile Party that now disowns him. I’m wondering if that getting dropped from the highest porcelain perch thing in the Minnesota airport men’s room was all a rehearsal or some kinda coded message intended to gain favors from Ahmadinejad – I don’t know. Oh yeah, and of course, it’s impossible to forget about that electrifying Tom Cruise sofa thing on Oprah Winfrey’s show. This stuff is all connected, people!
The Couch Thing, only 15 seconds, but oh, the message!
Now, I really do not know much about Tom Cruise’s religion of choice, Scientology, other than what I read in the papers, and they say Tom and ten million other believers are certain L. Ron Hubbard called the ball right, way before “Top Gun,” back in the 1950′s, in that an evil intergalactic ruler named Xenu will attack and destroy the Earth as we live it. This, of course, explains Tom’s need for the multi-million dollar bunker, not to be built in Iran, which is also sharp thinking, but not an original idea, as discussed.
Now look, nobody has actually seen or knows this Xenu dood, but this rabbit who belongs to a friend is named Xenu, and this is my blog, so this is my Xenu of choice, regardless of what you think of that chick Alice and her rabbit story.
A source, who did not indicate anything about itself, inclusive of sexual proclivity, told America’s Star magazine: “It’s (the bunker, y’all) a self-contained underground (duh) shelter with a high tech air-purifying system where up to ten people can survive for years.” Tom, being the devout follower that he is of this bizarre sci-fi cult, Scientology, has been hailed by leaders of the faith as the “chosen one” who will spread the word of the religion, and I guess rule what’s left of gay, not gay, and, I never have (bought) Ben-Gay, world, from this Colorado ten million dollar hole in the ground. Were it me, I’d save a buck or two on digging costs, and use that giant meteor hole recently impacted down there in Peru, provided it quits spewing all that pixie dust that is sickening the locals, which Hubbard called for years ag0 – more scary stuff.
Yup, anyhow, this alien hombre Xenu is known to all as the ruler of the “Galactic Confederacy” who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around meteor holes that resembled volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living, ostensibly, gay and not gay. Scientologists believe the alien souls continue to do this today, causing a variety of physical ill-effects in modern-day humans.
You have to understand, the DC-8 was at the time the Enterprise of choice, and it says a bunch that many of these things are still in service. Been to Peru lately?
For me, all these signs are coming together, I mean, I am beginning to see clearly what’s up with current events, so, take me to a new leader, heY!
“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING, heY!”
~ X anemi