Navy to study link between beached whales and washed up movie stars
April 23, 2007
Web posted at: 3:25 PM EDT (1925 GMT)
(CNN) — Important clues have surfaced that may help prove a suspected link between beached whales and gluttonous has beens from Hollywood and other nations around the world.
Scientists discovered the clues earlier yesterday, when one whale was found near dead on a Bahamas beach, near the home of an idiot from Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, who should have known better than to buy the property in the first place as he claims to be in the real estate business. The second row stucco challenged home known locally as, “Horizons,” with a refrigerator door that will not close, has a history of use by vagrants and no demonstrated track record of income potential. Troubles stem from the foundation of the house situated on a line of faulty title. The owner, G. Ben Thompson could not speak for himself, and his popular son-in-law Ford Shelly was quoted earlier saying, “We left the electricity on.”
Val Kilmer eating up celluloid while filming the new waste of time, “Columbus Day.”
VAL KILMER TOP GUN “ICEMAN”
Whoa, Columbus. Must have swallowed the ‘Pinta.’ Better put that Man on Ice.
Hollywood (Only In) – We hear the late Anna Nicole Smith’s movie, Illegal Aliens, scheduled for release this May 1 will lose the race to the B-box office in lieu of a film straight out of Private-Only infamy titled, We Are Aliens. The movie has it’s star, “Juicy,” played by Anna Nicole’s mother Virgie Arthur in her maiden foray into film, as an alien who takes the form of an American beauty in order to stop three evil alien intergalactic hitchhikers from destroying. Juicy is guided in her quest to quell the conquistadors by a ubiquitous, though unbelievable, holograph played by no stranger to the camera, Joshua Perper. Playing the evil hitchhikers are Larry Birkhead as, “Larry,” Howard Stern as “Max Spermless,” and Prinz Frederic von Anhalt as “Viva von Viagra.” Von Anhalt is depth having recently starred in a similar role in Germany’s unreality series Die Burg.Speaking for the antagonists, von Anhalt was said to have boasted,“Wir sind für diesen Film vollkommen. Keine von uns Arbeit oder sind überhaupt ein Vater gewesen, also was mit dem neuen Baby, es Zeit ist, real zu erhalten.” (“We are perfect for this movie. None of us work, or have ever been a father. So, what with the new baby, it is time to get real.”)
We’re told the film’s producer is Frederic von Anhalt’s son, the international playboy and “puff-meister” known to those who will listen as “Prince Germany,” Marcus von Anhalt. Marcus recently launched a “pay-for-play” internet sex portal, Private-Only, with the tell-all tagline, “It’s Only Porn.” Marcus keeps homes, and found the internet. He was quoted as saying, “What was privileged for the aristocracy in former times, is today possible for the simple people.” With films, to any concern over conflicting titles, it has been said, “What’s in a name? Names change.” Interest in the movie isexpected to be phenomenally precedented.
(WARNING – THIS POST CONTAINS LINKS TO PORNOGRAPHIC WEB LINKS – NOT OURS!)
Prince Marcus von Anhalt, no stranger to the European sex trade and self-professed international playboy, announced his royal support for the internet pay sex portal; PrivateOnly.Com. http://www.private-only.com. The site goes by the tag-line; “It’s Only Porn!” His Royal Sovereignty recommended the erotic sex site to the “simple people.”
Prince Marcus von Anhalt claims to be the great-grandson of the last German Emperor; Wilhelm II. Prince Marcus was adopted earlier last year by Prinz Frederic von Arnhalt and wife Zsa Zsa Gabor of Bel Air, CA. Frederic claims to be the father of Dannielyn, daughter of recently deceased actress Anna Nicole Smith. Results of a DNA paternity comparison test are expected later today.
According to his statement, Prince Marcus is inspired by the possibilities of sexual liberation offered over the internet through “Private-Only.” In English translation, the Prince remarked; “What was privileged for the aristocracy in former times is today possible for the simple people.”
(To the above photograph, by virtue of the former marriage of Zsa Zsa Gabor to Conrad Hilton, Paris Hilton is the step-aunt of Prince Marcus von Anhalt)
Prinz Marcus Eberhard Edward von Anhalt , Herzog zu Sachsen und Westfalen , Graf von Askanien, Crass von Vull of It – Wut a von Annoyer!
Firstly, if you haven’t read the first installment to this story, you’ll want to for background. You will find it by going HERE. Briefly, As the world knows, Prince Frederic von Anhalt of Bel Air, CA, married to actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, is firmly claiming paternity to Anna Nicole Smith’s baby daughter, Dannielynn. Given such, Dannielynn has a brother; Prince Marcus von Anhalt, who was adopted by Prince Frederic and Zsa Zsa about a year ago.Whether or not Frederic is the father of Dannielynn could be indicated via results of a DNA comparison possibly revealed today. Of recall, Bonnie Stern, the sister of Howard K. Stern, who is listed as the father of Smith’s baby on her birth certificate, called von Anhalt’s assertions “nauseating.” She didn’t even know him,” Bonnie Stern said. Ronald Jason Palmieri, longtime attorney for Gabor and von Anhalt, said, “the odds of him ending up to be the parent of this child are remote to none.”
Prince Frederic himself was adopted in or around 1980, or so his story goes, however this adoption and simultaneous name change did not confer any title or nobility, though this is often assumed by various media outlets unfamiliar with the technicalities of the adoption and which, therefore, frequently refer to him incorrectly as a prince. Prinz von Anhalt is his surname, rather than a title, as per German laws regarding the country’s former nobility. In addition to long-standing conventions prohibiting the transfer of German titles to adopted individuals — except for individuals who are blood relations adopted by another relative — and note, I have found no one in the Anhalt family who includes Frédéric Prinz von Anhalt as a member. I have written exhaustively on this subject, and the matter stands as facts present themselves. Such would be applicable to Prinz Marcus.
Frederic’s adoptive mother Marie von Anhalt (for simplicity) was born in 1898 and died in 1983. She was firstly married on 11 March, 1916 to Prince Joachim Franz Humbert of Prussia – born 17 December, 1890, died 18 July, 1920 of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in Potsdam, Germany. Joachim was depressed over his failing marriage with Marie and his father’s (Kaiser Wilhelm II, Emperor of Germany) abdication from the throne. Joachim and Marie bore one child; a son on 15 December, 1916 ~ Prince Karl Franz Josef Wilhelm Frederich Eduard of Prussia (Franz) who died 22 January, 1975 in an automobile accident in Chile, SA. Marie and Karl are pictured below in a photo taken in 1917 in Berlin. (click to enlarge) Marie re-married im 1926 to Johannes-Michael Freiherr von Loen, and divorced in 1935.
Prinzessin Joachim von Preussen mit ihrem Söhnchen Prinz Karl Franz Joseph
With enough history, for now, the remainder of this page is occupied with various photos mostly of Frederic and his adopted son Marcus, taken in and around Los Angeles in 2006. (Click each to enlarge)
Anemic Prinz joins growing group as “Phony.” Attorney states; “We are playing “catch up.”
“Antique To Be Auctioned on Ebay” Anemic LP signed by group leader P. Young to fetch millions. High bidder thus far known only as “factorthishans” at $10m US. No end in sight.
Art world wowed by inspired Alexander Zalamov, graphic artist. On work; “I would like to have a career.”
Anemic Bahamian cash crop watchers still waiting for results. Producer credits possible;“Slow Moving Sperm.”
Nurse offers all class participants effective sampling techniques.
Pole at’ Ewe Studios in Nassau announces weekend gross box receipts for “Q-Tip Warriors”
G. Ben Thompson is looking for real estate deal. Son-in-law Ford Shelly states; “We left the electricity on.”
On…
