“OMG! Are you kidding me? Kim is going to f(use)ing die!” …is reportedly what Paris Hilton chortled last February when her BFF Kim Kardashian’s first sex epic was “leaked” to the street. As “mortified” as Kim was, the jillion dollar settlement deal she struck with Vivid Entertainment for all that pain and sufferin’ must now be gone, because our fav Armenian star, is ready to be re-morted all over with the sis of a sex vid!
KIM KARDASHIAN QUOTES:
- “There is no amount of money that could ever convince me to release any tape, even if I had one. I don’t need the money.”
- “I’m not poor; I’m not desperate, I would never attempt to sell a tape,” she says. “It would humiliate me and ruin my family. I don’t need the money. It’s humiliating; it’s embarrassing. It’s something I feel very betrayed by, but I’m not pointing any fingers.”
Isn’t this great? What fun! Vivid Entertainment, the “producer” that released Kim’s videotaped romp between the sheets with Ray J, has widely released a statement telling to get ready for more thunder from the thighs of this un-reality TV star – what a load of bum! Hey, the drunk thing is getting old, and nobody uber-famous, like Kim, has been sans-spandex in a while, so yeah, it’s time!
“Vivid can’t take all of the credit from Kim’s success… we can let our fans (and Kim’s) know that we’re not finished with her sexy escapades on tape. New footage has emerged and will soon be making its way to KimKSuperstar.com,” said the “focu-mentary” company on the release of the newest installment of, the same old same old. Can’t wait.
UNCENSORED KIM KARDASHIAN FULL BUTT FOOTAGE ~ “LE GASP!”
Austrian men and New Zealand women have the most sexual partners in the world, according to a a global sex survey reported on Saturday.
The Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global survey, which questioned 26,000 people in 26 countries, found that Austrians topped the male list with 29.3 sexual partners, more than twice the global average of 13.2. Conversely, the New Zealand women have an average of 20.4 sexual partners, well above the global average of 7.3, according to the survey by condom-maker Durex.
New Zealand was the only country where women were more promiscuous than their men, who averaged 16.8 sexual partners, as stated in the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper, reporting the survey.
The survey also showed that Austrians were the youngest to lose their virginity at an average of 17.3 years, followed by Brazilians (17.4), Germans (17.6) and New Zealanders (17.8).
Busy and excited about the new town, trying to meet all the new faces, I did not have an opportunity to participate in the survey.
OK, this has been around for a while, but it keeps getting better, because somebody keeps the chicken updated with new tricks. Now, I know you have never been to one of those porn sites, you know, where you get your say as to what you want the model to do, and just about anything goes, so there, I just set this up for you. Just type in your commands, like; sit, dance, fly…well, you get it! Get creative, and see what the chicken will do, you may be surprised. Get too rangy for the chicken…and, well, you will see!
Ai Carrumba!
Sub-Servants
No, that’s not a link there, just a picture caption. Britney and Paris and every other star-for-let who has one of these models pictured here, is catching holy crap from that lunatic PETA President, the head chihuahua herself; Ingrid Newkirk. What a boob! Anyhow, yes, these dogs are small, and yes, because these dogs are small, they tend to get misplaced and/or stepped on. But, no, it is not the owner’s fault. This time, you are going to have to blame the government, because, with the “burn the bridge” mentality when it comes to immigration, it is getting impossible to find anybody to pilot the John Deere to ensure the lawn is kept to eye level. Come on Ingrid, I mean, do you step in shit on purpose? Thing-aboud-it, heY! (This particular little star, look-a-like dog actually belongs to a good friend of mine who loves it to pieces, and no harm has or would ever come to it, but she ought to harm her BF off the sofa and show him where the lawn mower is, right, Sandi?)
Britney Spears “Gimme More” Spoof, National Lampoon Version
Wide Stances in Foreign Territories
This picture, is one of those I dug up while looking for a picture to go with a brilliant story soon to be finished, mebe. Anyhow, this is supposed to be serious, but, what’s with those strange cod and ammo things in all the Queen’s men’s laps? And take a look at the Britney wannabe commando Joe to the left of Her Majesty – HA! I guess there are a zillion explanations for this photograph, but don’t you know this is hanging in each and everybody here’s living room! What will the grand-children say! Oh the horror.
I’m Not Emo
Sub-genre, angsty estrogenized graphical representation, then, und now (klicken to reichen big-un)
An older friend was trying to be hip with me and said; “Oh Anemi, you’re so EMO!” Well, OK, fine, groovy, man! Whatever, bruh. Listen, emo used to refer just to music, but now is a bunch of things well beyond, including, but not limited to; attitude, dress, grooming, and whatever else is misunderstood – so, to make things easy, and because nothing ever really changes, you can see emo then, and emo now – same difference, dood! Hitler had his “Wagner,” and true emo’s had their “One Last Wish,” and to set the record here, I’m no fan of either!
So, get out there and have a productive cup of coffee, before it gets cold!
Hollywood libertine Paris Hilton will not be allowed to attend Munich, Germany’s major beer celebration because of ‘cheapening‘ last year’s event. Partying Paris, 26, appeared at last year’s Oktoberfest to promote a regional wine maker dressed in plaits and a traditional Bavarian costume. Organizers at this year’s event have barred brands from using celebrities to push their alcohol. Gabrielle Weishaeupl, of the city’s tourist board, explains celebrity promotions ‘are completely prohibited by the new festival rules.’ No one wants her anymore, not even Germany. (kudos to Tim at Snagwire; http://thesnagwire.com)
Well, OK Gabrielle, how about a politician? They aren’t celebrities, heY!
PARIS Hilton wants to spawn soon – and is getting pumped to prove it, heY!
Dirty minds! I mean she is getting pumped in the gym and, well, mebe yeah pumped by Jim or Howard or Larry or who knows what will be the the lucky one to get F(use)D by Paris the hairless – dog owner, and famous “hair of the dog” imbiber her own self. If you haven’t heard, it’s really OK, really, but Paris Hilton, The Queen of the Societ-ill Rags, is passing more gas in trial balloons by suggesting she is going to have a baby in like, mebe, um, “nine or twelve months.” Yup. You see Paris is one of the zillions of Americans who doesn’t have a map to locate an obscure nation starving for Hollywood adoption publicity. But that’s so, Brad-Madonna, already done, heY!
Paris Hilton as a mother, I mean a mother to like, a real-life baby, aye-yi-yi! So she’s decided to stay domestic with this to be produced baby, but not so with the name, noep! For this, she is going Euro, and has decided that if it is a girl, she will name it Paris, Jr., and if it is a boy, she will go with Paris, Jr. But, others say she kinda likes the name London too. Hmm, ya know, this really blows the whole Patriot Act thing. I mean, someone needs to get to the baby agent in charge of fan-happy names and suggest something a little closer to the home of a hurricane ravaged town, and I suggest naming the kid Tupelo or Sewanee, or my personal fave; Buloxi, all gender friendly choices.
Paris Hilton actually having a baby, it’s just so surreal! This is the kookie-cookie who traded in her dog because it was too fat – OMG y’all! And, can you just visualize career day at this child’s school…ready? “OK class, next we will hear from little Buloxi’s Mom…Paris! Please, come up here and tell us what you do, Ms./Mrs./Miss, oh, um, whatever!” Gah, were it me the kid, I’m thinking major hookie that day.
In a chat with Jackie Collins printed in Elle, Hilton unveiled her plans.
“I wanna have, like, a family and a guy,” she says. (Damn! Is this possible? Oh well, she did narrow-in on the correct gestation period – 2 points)
Paris, the jail-reformed, good deed doer, who proves it by giving thousands of dollars to club bouncers, waiters and cab drivers, says she’s sick and tired of the tabloids: “It makes me mad that I’m such a good person and I’m treated like rubbish by the press.” Fine, nooooo problem. Add that to the old resume: Porno, Alkie, Jail-Bird, and Rubbish!
Paris sez she’s already preparing for “mommydumb.”
“I just started working out and it feels great,” the Simple Life star (sic) says.
“I want kid(s) next year, so I’ve got to get my body ready.”
In the highly unlikely event she needs anyone to explain how these babies happen, I have included below a really suggestive musical tutorial, which may require a little imagination.
AFTERNOON DELIGHT ~ Starland Vocal Band
And for the lucky, er, duck, that gets to donate the sperm, here’s a little movie for you, and when Paris says; “having MY baby,” you best believe there is no “our baby” to this whole scene! But, the good news is, Daddy doesn’t have to be a pretty boy: “I used to care about looks,” Paris says, “but I’ve grown out of that stage. They have to be a good person.” Pablum for thought – burp!
What’s up with this? This is Paris Hilton’s comeback? So much for penal reform…
NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com) — Hotel heiress Paris Hilton is seeking at least $100,000 in damages from greeting card maker Hallmark for using a photograph of her face superimposed onto a cartoon body and her trademarked catch phrase, “that’s hot.”The card, titled “Paris’s First Day as a Waitress” says, “Don’t touch that, it’s hot. What’s hot? That’s hot.”
Hilton trademarked the phrase “that’s hot” in 2004 while she was starring in the reality TV show “The Simple Life.” In one 2003 episode, she and celebrity friend Nicole Richie serve meals at a fast food restaurant.
Hilton accuses Hallmark of using her name, photograph and registered trademark for commercial purposes without her consent and seeks at least $100,000 in damages, but possibly more depending the total sales of the $2.49 greeting card, according to a complaint filed in the U.S. District Court of Los Angeles Thursday.
Hallmark defended the cards, saying a number of its new humor greeting cards are parodies of popular celebrities and politicians.
“These cards take a satirical look at news and gossip surrounding these public figures, including Paris Hilton, and we do not believe Hallmark has violated any of Ms. Hilton’s rights,” said Hallmark spokeswoman Julie O’Dell in response to the suit.
“Hallmark’s theft of Ms. Hilton identity is contrary to established law and it should be held accountable for its actions.” said Brent H. Blakely, Hilton’s lawyer.
“[Hallmark's] acts were willful, malicious and oppressive to the extent that the defendant acted in conscious disregard of the plaintiff’s rights,” according to Hilton’s complaint. Hallmark has “caused and continues to cause [Hilton] great and irreparable injury for which there is no adequate remedy at law.”
Absolute Snot!
Firstly, good luck selling the card. $2.49 for that? HA! It’s not even a particularly good card, I don’t think. Secondly, I heard about that trademark thing…more snot! I’ve done no research on that remarkable legal claim, nor do I intend to give Paris Hilton $2.49 every time I decide to say; “That’s Hot!’ Thirdly, on the subject of snot, here is a win-win greeting card that hopefully will appease everybody – that is, except and unless somebody wants to hit me with a trademark infringement suit for; “THAT’S SNOT!”
Former Wham! singer George Michael was Wowed today with a sentence to do 100 hours of community service for his earlier “driving while unfit” conviction. Hopefully, they will find him something to do outdoors where he can get some fresh air and forget about his $20 million dollar collection of Damien Hirst art pleasures treasures. I know art is an acquired taste, but mine comes on a bun with pickles and grilled onions.
The star was found slumped at the wheel of his Mercedes at a busy intersection in north London in the wee early hours of October 1 last year.
The 43-year-old previously admitted the offence, claiming he was guilty due to tiredness and prescribed drugs.
Today he was sentenced to 100 hours community service, to be carried out over the next 12 months, and was disqualified from driving for two years at Brent Magistrates’ Court in north London.
Michael, who was wearing a charcoal grey suit and black T-shirt, emulating Paris Hilton, told sentencing Judge Katherine Marshall he was “ashamed” of the danger he had put other people in by his actions. Conversely, Paris screamed, “Meh, Mummy – this is like, so unfair!” Brits are used to drinking, neat.
It was 2.30am when Natalie Griffith and her boyfriend spotted a man slumped at the wheel of his Range Rover as they walked home.The car had stopped in the middle of the street in North London’s trendy Primrose Hill and music was blaring from the stereo. (Probably fave Boy George)
The couple went over to see if they could help the man, who was unconscious and apparently oblivious to the loud music, but not to the convenience of their Kodak.
When 23-year-old Natalie opened the car door she was shocked to discover the man in the driving seat was pop star George Michael.
The incident took place in October last year — four months BEFORE George was arrested for a similar incident at Hyde Park this weekend.
Natalie confessed last night that she tried to cover up for George and had not gone to the media at the time. Why today? Well it’s the economy stupid!
Paris Hilton’s manager, Elliot Mintz tried to cover for his “super-soaked” celebrity “sot,” and was admonished for being “irrevalant” by the judge.
These two slow learners have a lot in common, and when their societal bar tabs are paid, they really should belly-up for another round of cocktails. Cheers!
WeHo – A babbling Paris Hilton was sent back to jail on Friday as a judge overturned a sheriff department’s decision to place the heiress under house arrest after just three days behind bars.
The pseudo-celebrity trembled and cried quietly throughout the hearing and then broke into loud blubbers when the judge ordered her back behind bars. ‘Mom, Mom. It’s not right,’ she shrieked as she was led out of the courtroom. Paris Hilton is 26 years old. Her mother, older we believe, Kathy Hilton, sobbed.
Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Michael Sauer ordered Hilton to complete her 45-day sentence in jail rather than at home, marking a fitting turn of fortune for the multimillionaire socialite who believes she is the symbol of America’s celebrity culture. HOT? NOT!
Rob Lowe pries the errant low-flying projectile from the Finches death clutch, opting for a free drop, as a horrified Iowa Democrat looks on.
ROB LOWE IN FEATURE FILM; “THE OUTSIDERS”
WEST DES MOINES, Iowa – A ball hit by Rob Lowe while outside playing in a celebrity golf match, hit the Iowa state bird in mid-flight Wednesday who was previously enjoying the tournament.
The 43-year-old actor was hitting an approach shot on the fourth hole when his ball hit the official goldfinch, dropping him cold, about 50 yards short of the green, The Des Moines Register reported.
As the rest of the players in his group tastelessly broke out in laughter and applause, Lowe joined in, raising his arms in mock celebration.
“That’s my birdie,” he said after looking at the bird, which lay motionless on the ground.
With little thought as to potential career ending ramifications, Lowe quipped, “That’s unbelievable. Who comes here and kills the state bird? Only me.”
Al Sharpton was not believed to be in Iowa to witness the spectacle, and has intentionally not been sought for comment. Speculation has it, what with the Iowa Presidential Caucuses looming large, Sharpton will likely be on-hand to crash the bird’s funeral.
Lowe, who appears on ABC’s “Brothers & Sisters,” was playing in Principal Charity Classic Pro-Am at the Glen Oaks Country Club. He also starred in NBC’s “The West Wing,” and is not considered to be serious.
Being a slow week for news, unless you count Paris Hilton in and/or out of prison, the omnipresent Finch Paparazzi flocks to the scene for a photo-op of the slain state official, a felony in the State of Iowa.
The most assuredly dead Finch, already tarred and de-feathered, has been prepared for burial at sea, a pre-death wish, after being land-locked in Iowa for all his short life. The body is currently lying in prone in the Iowa State Aviary, with visitation limited to those who may be interested in seeing a dead bird.
Paris Hilton released for undisclosed medical reasons not revealed due to privacy, and has been re-assigned to “in-house” arrest at her parents home for 40 days. This “re-assignment” apparently took place shortly after 2:00 AM today. Paris has been fitted with an ankle bracelet electronic monitoring device. According to the Sheriff’s Office spokesman, she was driven to her attorney’s office, then driven home.
We heard that – you can’t say; “Son-of-a’ B_,” here! Weary, after a day of shopping, famous Armenian, and more famous for knowing Paris Hilton, Super Cellulite Socialite Kim Kardashian has a gathering on her back yard.
SOCIAL CLIMBERS
Need Money? Hey, be like Paris and do a sex tape, then be sure to lose it on the Internet for exponential growth. Kim Kardashian, daughter of one of the O.J. Simpson “dream team” lawyers, dropped her suit against Vivid Entertainment over the release of her sex tape co-starring rapper Ray J., in exchange for $5 million. “We’ve always wanted to work something out with Kim so she could share in the profits,” Vivid co-chairman Steven Hirsch said. Meh-he-he, talk about rapid gross box appreciation! Three months after Vivid bought the tape from a “third party” for $1 million, Kardashian sued for invasion of privacy, claiming that selling it was “despicable” and “malicious.” Must of had a really good lawyer. Beats me who will be interested in “invading” the outwardly non-private “despicable!” That’s what’s “malicious!”
Our attempts to contact Miss Kardashian to get her take on global warming and the still sticky Sheryl Crow tissue went unanswered.
KIM KARDASHIAN SEX GODDESS
This just in, from; “‘Suit’-Case Solved”…
Dear Anemi,
I just wanted to thank you for this post. Weighing heavily on my mind for years, it was Kim’s father; Robert Kardashian, who met OJ Simpson at LAX on his return from Chicago to face the music. Testimony was that Mr. Kardashian was the last to handle Simpson’s baggage, which was never recovered. Without fear of myopia, you have surely cracked the case. Someone should should page Mark Fuhrman to join the “yard party.” Sign me,
“Suitcase Solved”
heY Butt-ie, ‘da Conga line forms in ‘da ReaR, oY!
HITLER IS ALIVE! CLICK THE PIC FOR THE SHOCKING STORY, heY!
Be a Paris ~ Somebody’s Got To Keep the ‘PAR-TAY’ Pumpin’!
You can bet Paris Hilton has a grand entry planned for Tuesday when she reports Lynwood County Jail. Insiders are dropping items that the Paris wants the media and her scads of fans to see her looking her best.
“The timing is to make sure she makes all the celebrity weeklies,” says an insider. “Paris is a genius at marketing herself. She managed to turn having a sex tape to her benefit, and she’s going to do the same out of going to prison.” (Hope her fellow cons don’t read this!)
Sources say Hilton has ordered a glam squad (hair and make-up) to meet her at her Hollywood Hills home at 9 a.m. Monday, the day before she reports to jail.
But all this fuss is part of a grander plan apparently, sources say. “It’s not just about marketing, it’s about making money. If she can set up her entry into jail in a very grand way, the payoff will be greater.”
Other Reports say that Paris will take pen-to-hand and write a prison diary during her 23-day sentence, for big-bucks publication upon release.
“Paris’ prison diary will make a more dramatic read than Martha Stewart’s,” says a source close to Hilton. “If she can make it believable, and not exaggerate too much, she might expect to make a million dollars out of it.” (I think I see a ghost, writer!)
The source says Hilton will most certainly be glam as she walks into jail. (Hope nobody spoils the look with an egg toss enroute!)
“Paris is the queen of the prop,” the source says. “Expect her hair pulled back in a ponytail, big sunglasses and maybe a Holy Bible under one arm. And she just got a new kitten, so maybe she’ll hand that to her sister (Nicky) as she gets out of the car … There might even be tears.”
“Like all industries, ‘Hollywood’ produces waste. Whichever frauds are used, these wastes must be managed in ways which safeguard human health and minimize the impact on our living environment. ‘Hollywood’ is the only industry which does not take full responsibility for their waste, and the cost of same is factored into the consumer product.”
According to Celebrity Tribute, just days before her required incarceration ordered by a California court judge stemming from an earlier drunken driving conviction, Paris Hilton was sighted leaving the tony Beverly Hills pet shop “ANTS,” reportedly following purchase of an Uncle Milton’s Extreme Ant Farm. Word has it that the prison “Princess” has received the “A-OK” from jail officials to cultivate the ant farm, a loophole attorneys discovered following research of the California Penal Code and Corrections Regulations. Whilst personal pets such as dogs and cats are specifically forbidden, ants, because of their indigenous nature are not excluded. The sales associate in ANTS stated Miss Hilton selected ants as her personal preference as penitentiary pals because, “I wanted something I could relate with.” Ants, as it turns out, are highly social, work at night, and generally do as they please. Ant colonies require little maintenance, but need a Queen ant in order to survive, not sold in the United States by law. An Internet forum titled, “Paris In Prison” has been established, which may offer clues to the Queen and the new Paris Hilton ant farm. Among other categories for posting, one is titled, “My Ant Farm.” No word on visiting hours for the outside army of paparazzi “non-con” ants.
