I’m Not Gay

Things get parked in and out of stalls at the airport. They aren’t built like this anymore, though. New Jersey had a unwanted experience with this in the parking lot. I read it got blown-up or exploded or something. Sigh.

I’m Not Gay! There, I said it. Now, give me $25,000.00…This just blows me:

Two men’s restrooms at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport, including the one where Sen. Larry Craig was arrested for not being gay, will be fitted with longer dividers to make the stalls less enticing locations for sexual encounters, and tap-dancing, I guess.

The Metropolitan Airports Commission will spend $25,000 to change the dividers. The work will be completed over the next two months, said airport spokesman Patrick Hogan.

Craig, the Republican from Idaho, was arrested at the airport for allegedly signaling his desire for sex to a man in the next stall by tapping his feet, waving his hand under the divider, and playing with stray tissue on the floor.

That restroom and another men’s room — both conveniently located for wary cruisers on the airport’s main shopping and eating thoroughfare — will be fitted with dividers that nearly reach the floor, Hogan said.

Is it any wonder to anybody that people want to move to America? Talk about the land of opportunity! Two months to do this job and $25,000,00! OMG, how to I get like, a real, legal work visa? I swear I’ll leave the country when I finish the job! And, what a great work environment, what with all the hawt cruisey notables coming through, heY! “Only in America.”

So let me see. If Larry did not get f(use)d, are you feeling a little f(use)d over this bill, Mr. Taxpayer? Instead of this retro-fit, I wonder how much it would cost to buy a sledge hammer sex deter-er and hang it on the stall door? Hey Minnesotans – call me if you need an Airport Commissioner! No telling what that job pays!

Here’s a thought, Minnesota! You can probably re-sell these building plans in Washington, DC and re-coup some of your costs. Just find yourself a good pork-barrel-er, hey!

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING, heY!”

Prince Frederic von Anhalt, a noteable foreign American opportunist, looking for directions to the airport. (stroke to grow bigger)

~ X ANEMI

souvenirs

what are you doing friday night…1943

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING, heY”

~ X Anemi

This Just In

BREAKING NEWS! GRAVITY DISCOVERED IN CALIFORNIA!

“There’s gravity in them thar hills, heY!”

La Jolla, CA

A sinkhole has taken a sizable spit of asphalt on I-75 in La Jolla, just outside of San Diego, California. The hole was noticed by residents on the street this morning. An evacuation of three, and possibly four homes is now underway. Thankfully, no death or injury has been reported thus far. It was noted by geologists that land slides were first observed in the area in 1889.

A spokesman for the city was quoted as saying, “We do not know what is causing this. The soil is moving down hill.”

The City Attorney added caution, “It is important that we do not get ahead of ourselves here.”

It is unknown whether Britney Spears is in danger, who could not be located for comment.

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING, heY”

~ X Anemi

Anemic Intrepid

Tot’s Hot, Paris!

PARIS Hilton wants to spawn soon – and is getting pumped to prove it, heY!

Dirty minds! I mean she is getting pumped in the gym and, well, mebe yeah pumped by Jim or Howard or Larry or who knows what will be the the lucky one to get F(use)D by Paris the hairless – dog owner, and famous “hair of the dog” imbiber her own self. If you haven’t heard, it’s really OK, really, but Paris Hilton, The Queen of the Societ-ill Rags, is passing more gas in trial balloons by suggesting she is going to have a baby in like, mebe, um, “nine or twelve months.” Yup. You see Paris is one of the zillions of Americans who doesn’t have a map to locate an obscure nation starving for Hollywood adoption publicity. But that’s so, Brad-Madonna, already done, heY!

Paris Hilton as a mother, I mean a mother to like, a real-life baby, aye-yi-yi! So she’s decided to stay domestic with this to be produced baby, but not so with the name, noep! For this, she is going Euro, and has decided that if it is a girl, she will name it Paris, Jr., and if it is a boy, she will go with Paris, Jr. But, others say she kinda likes the name London too. Hmm, ya know, this really blows the whole Patriot Act thing. I mean, someone needs to get to the baby agent in charge of fan-happy names and suggest something a little closer to the home of a hurricane ravaged town, and I suggest naming the kid Tupelo or Sewanee, or my personal fave; Buloxi, all gender friendly choices.

Paris Hilton actually having a baby, it’s just so surreal! This is the kookie-cookie who traded in her dog because it was too fat – OMG y’all! And, can you just visualize career day at this child’s school…ready? “OK class, next we will hear from little Buloxi’s Mom…Paris! Please, come up here and tell us what you do, Ms./Mrs./Miss, oh, um, whatever!” Gah, were it me the kid, I’m thinking major hookie that day.

In a chat with Jackie Collins printed in Elle, Hilton unveiled her plans.

“I wanna have, like, a family and a guy,” she says. (Damn! Is this possible? Oh well, she did narrow-in on the correct gestation period – 2 points)

Paris, the jail-reformed, good deed doer, who proves it by giving thousands of dollars to club bouncers, waiters and cab drivers, says she’s sick and tired of the tabloids: “It makes me mad that I’m such a good person and I’m treated like rubbish by the press.” Fine, nooooo problem. Add that to the old resume: Porno, Alkie, Jail-Bird, and Rubbish!
Paris sez she’s already preparing for “mommydumb.”

“I just started working out and it feels great,” the Simple Life star (sic) says.

“I want kid(s) next year, so I’ve got to get my body ready.”

In the highly unlikely event she needs anyone to explain how these babies happen, I have included below a really suggestive musical tutorial, which may require a little imagination.

AFTERNOON DELIGHT ~ Starland Vocal Band

And for the lucky, er, duck, that gets to donate the sperm, here’s a little movie for you, and when Paris says; “having MY baby,” you best believe there is no “our baby” to this whole scene! But, the good news is, Daddy doesn’t have to be a pretty boy: “I used to care about looks,” Paris says, “but I’ve grown out of that stage. They have to be a good person.” Pablum for thought – burp!

HAVING MY BABY ~ Paul Anka

~ X anemi

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING, heY”