So, I dunno what all the fuss is about with the press and the Chinese gymnasts.
I’ve been behind the scenes and it looks like the gurls are sticklers for the rules, if you ask me. Oh yeah, and Beijing is pronounced with a hard “J” as in; “Jingle,” not some franco-fied gutteral “je.” The Chinese don’t really care though. That is, as long as you are spending money.
All of the “Friendlies” were sighted over at the Pole Dancing Venue. It was a bit difficult to get tickets, but we slid in.
Imagine…Just you and your mouse, and maybe a pad, assuming you are above the high water mark on your sub-prime mortgage, pitted against three other unemployed’s; Howard Stern, John Edwards, and (Not A Prince – see #13) Frederic Anhalt, squirming along and prodded to simply answer a question by your host Larry Craig! What Fun! Some Fathers/Wannabes and the games they play are so overated!
Howard Stern, Larry Craig, John Edwards, and Frederic Anhalt - Players, All!
“It depends…on what the definition of ‘ain’t’ – ain’t.”
Senator John Edwards and "Baby Ain't"
“Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby” written by Louis Jordan and Billy Austin in 1944. “Is” was a Billboard Number One chart topper.
I got a gal whos always late,
anytime we have a date
but i love her,
yes i love her
I'm gunna walk right up to her gate
and see if i can get it straight
cause I want her
I'm gunna ask her
Is you is or is you aint my baby?
the way you're acting latley makes me doubt
you's is still my baby, baby
seize my flame and your hearts' done and gone out
A woman is a creature,
that has always been strange
just when your sure of one,
you find shes gone and made a change
Is you is or is you aint my baby?
maybe babys found somebody new
or is my baby still my baby true? (x2)
CHAPEL HILL, NC: Following the yawning revelation of Ex North Carolina Senator and Democratic Presidential wannabe John Edwards admission of cheating on his wife Elizabeth, John was sighted at the back stoop of his compound beginning his “healing process.” The family cat was available, but offered no comment.
A “Stunning S-shaped rechargeable massaging vibrator from Fun Factory. Powerful multispeed orgasmic pulsations are controlled on the handle’s built-in unit – easy to use whether you want a strong massage or G-spot-stimulating penetration. Quiet and discreet, and only £99.99,” which is (what time is it?) about $155.00 in USA bangles and ben was.
(Sea) Horse Hockey! That thang is nothing more than a found warehouse load of unwanted, thus unsold Sea Monkeys that made the mail order rounds 20,000 leagues ago. Somebody in the UK got stuck with these, and put a toggle on it, and voila! A sex toy happened, which is a whole bunch more than I got when I put my seamonkey seeds in H-squared-O, boy, was I pissed!
Anyhow, back in April, London’s leading “boutique d’ amour,” LoveHoney, teamed up with Company magazine to launch the first ever UK Sex Toy Awards.
But rather than leave the important business of reviewing the vibrators to a self-appointed panel of so-called experts (limey-talk meaning the pre-owned vibrator market is dead in Britain), the UK Sex Toy Awards were judged by the people whose opinions matter most, the use-eez’s!
More than 1,000 Company readers applied to be a UK Sex Toy Awards judge, and 20 lucky applicants were chosen to review 10 vibrators worth more than £300! Better than US peeps watching their sub-primes ratchet up, I reckon.
So, I say, lucky indeed, good show and all that!
Anita C. here, a 32 year old office manager in Surrey, England sez; “Following my relationship break-up I’m discovering the delights of being single. This is the perfect opportunity to further my self discovery.” We say, keep plenty of batteries on hand Anita, your fascination with the world of solo opportunities has only just begun.
Nicola S. up there, a 21 year old student howling in from County Antrim goes off with; “My boyfriend (not pictured – just kidding, Nic!) and I will be celebrating our first year anniversary soon and think this would be an ideal way of celebrating.” We say, although it’s obvious you don’t get out much, it would be ideal if y’all get a room at the Durkee Inn or such, you know, keep the fete kinda low key.
Reader poll: “Which weighs more – Amy, or Amy’s hair?” Write us, we wanna know!
In the “is this even possible?” department, Amy Winehouse manages to stay in the news by taking a swing at a “fan,” (human, I suppose) yesterday during her performance at Glasto. If anybody knows what prompted the punch, they aren’t telling, so, let’s just say that of the 80,000 people in attendance, the dude seated front row center was in the right place at the wrong time.
Were it me (the human) I’d be shaking in my rumpled rehab robe. I mean, I have this mental trauma just thinking about being attacked by a 70 pound emphysematic crankster. I personally think Amy should get a gravity award for her ability to remain vertical under the weight of her coif and tattoo ink. Seriously, given her fragile state, and notwithstanding that Amy is a girl (I think), I’d certainly never return a jab, and, nor would I be so bold as to let my friends find about this.
Anyhow, kudos to quick action from the security boys, ensuring safety and freedom for the patrons to pursue other interests, like the concession stand, or voting in Zimbabwe.
~ Anemi
PS – We found it necessary to add this postscript, as a great many gentle readers are somewhat confused. The above photograph is indeed that of Amy Winehouse, not to be confused with the photograph that follows, which is of the fabulous Miss Elsa Lanchester; the original “Bride of Frankenstein” of film fame ~ 1935. Just goes to prove, whatever is old is new again, right, Igor?
Think things are bad in the USA? The head Russia’s Gazprom warned today that gas prices will double by 2009. If you don’t know, Gazprom is a state-controlled monopoly, is the largest gas company – in the world – and supplies 25% of all gas to Europe. Price disputes in the past have caused disruptions. Hmm, winter in Cabo is starting to sound pretty good. Bring your own towels, I do not do wash, heY!
“Many thousands of Americans losing their jobs, rendering families as statistics while they are evicted from their homes. Many find themselves without shelter and nowhere to turn but charities and the promise of government aid.” ~ December, 1929.
“WELCOME TO THE OCCUPATION” R.E.M.
LYRICS:
(Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe)
Hang your collar up inside
Hang your dollar on me
Listen to the water still
Listen to the causeway
You are mad and educated
Primitive and wild
Welcome to the occupation
Here we stand and here we fight
All your fallen heroes
Held and dyed and skinned alive
Listen to the Congress fire
Offering the educated
Primitive and loyal
Welcome to the occupation
Hang your collar up inside
Hang your freedom higher
Listen to the buyer still
Listen to the Congress
Where we propagate confusion
Primitive and wild
Fire on the hemisphere below
Sugar cane and coffee cup
Copper, steel and cattle
An annotated history
The forest for the fire
Where we open up the floodgates
Freedom reigns supreme
Fire on the hemisphere below
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
It seems like every time somebody comes along with “the next big thing,” I think…”junk,” and say so, and then they wind up making zillions of bucks. So, do yourself a favor, short my sentiments here, and go glam on to as much stock in this as you can squeeze into your IRA, mattress, whichever you have left.
In yet another attempt to stick it’s fingers in the money goo, Google not long ago teamed-up with fueling system supplier Gilbarto Veeder-Root to equip Internet-enabled gas pumps with the Applause Media System, featuring Google Maps. The setup is supposed to, among other things, allow lost motorists to find themselves, hungry road warriors to feed themselves (and save money doing it with printable coupons), and sleep depraved drivers to scroll around a local map in search for a cot, and free HBO.
What’s wrong with this picture? Well, the top one is just fine, with my edits. But the unedited version, just above, and this whole idea – here’s my take.
Firstly, with gas over $4.00/gallon, you’ve got more money than sense than to be driving, let alone plan a trip without knowing where the best gas prices can be found. OK, excuse – you were in a hurry when you left, and now the battery in your Blackberry is dead. What’s to stop you from pulling up to this web-pump and surfing over to GasBuddy just to make sure Omar inside there is not gouging you, when gas can be had at three-cents cheaper across the street? No foul here, I mean everybody will tell you there is no money to be made at gas pumps, they are merely loss-leaders to get you inside to buy a pack of “square-nabs,” that’s where the real money is.
I guess on a practical level, if your Blackberry truly is dead and you are wayward, this “innovation” could be a godsend. Getting lost out there is brutal. Nobody knows where they are. It’s like, they know they will not get, nor keep, a job at a gas/convenience store unless they act directionally challenged. It’s a rule, printed in the 7-11 employee handbook. It might even be an Arabian sub-terror plot to keep you lost to buy more of their gas.
Talk about frustration and possible road rage, ever get this – “Hmm, I’ve lived here all my life and I’ve never heard of I-40, sorry. Bubba might know, but he’s on dinner break.” You get so upset, you wind up buying gas or “square-nabs” just to calm the nerves. Stupid? It works. They get the sale.
Another reason this thing is just plain dumb relates to patience, or our lack thereof. Waiting in line for anything just plain sucks. We are talking silent wishes for a drive-by shooting of the idiot in front of you with nothing better to do than Google for directions to the best route to discover the “World’s Largest Pecan.”
Maybe though, after a tough day on the thirsty trail, you decide to print out and use that gratuitous 5%-off coupon at the Motel 6, and kick back with the free in-room color TV. Maybe then you’ll have a greater grasp of the local 7:00 “action” news blurting, “Elderly couple flattened at local gas station, right after a word from our sponsor; Google.”
“Breaker-Breaker, good buddy. Howzit lookin’ over your donkey?”
Yeah, gas prices hurt. Check out these peeps fuming in line for the “crisis” at 81 cents/gallon. If you were rich, before you could even get to the “square-nabs,” you might have passed the time untangling the tape in your eight-track installed by your bro’inlaw, or rappin’ on the CB radio. “What’s a Blackberry, Internet…huh?” Some things are a bit better, I suppose.
You know the economy is bad when nothing, and I mean NOTHING is going on in Hollywood worthy of reporting. What to do when you need a story, and can’t even find a Yorkie to kick down Rodeo Drive? Hmm. GOT IT! What say we check in with Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Frederic, and catch a glow of what he’s been up to, what fun, heY!
But first, up for a bit of sport? How about a multiple choice quiz, I’ll call it Truth or Dare Paparazzi, where you, are the Photog, and your mission is to get a pic of Zsa Zsa Gabor. (Told you things were slow). As with anything worth doing, this is not going to be easy, and there is a “price” to be paid. So, to get the winning shot, which are you more willing to endure?
a) Getting a rep for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.
b) Getting a fat lip from an old person who thinks he’s a younger man and an old monarch for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.
c) Wasting three years by suing an old person who thinks he’s a younger man and an old monarch for giving you a fat lip for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.
d) Gah, I dunno, all of the above.
I know, tough choices, but, this is Hollywood, land of “Greed is Good,” so take answer “d”, be safe and go for it all.
This is exactly what photographer Dirk Smeten, age unknown, did, saying he worried he would be killed when Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband slugged him in the face three years ago on a Beverly Hills street corner.
In his legal complaint, Dirk claimed Frederic von “Ask Him” (Gabor’s husband) aged apx. 75, was in the vicinity and began punching him about the lips while Smeten photographed him and/or Zsa Zsa Gabor, aged apx. 92, in May 2005. According to the complaint, the blow(s) caused Smeten to fall down in suffering with lip lacerations, cuts to his face, swelling, pain, high blood pressure, headaches and stress symptoms, to which Smeten continues to this day to get psychiatric care.
Herr von “All Sprechen” said he initially wanted to give Smeten about twenty large for busting on his chops, but Smeten opted for the long court road home in search of $137,000. On Friday, the court awarded Dirk $4,510, about right I’d say, after three years of negative economic adjustments.
A search for Smeten for comment turned out to be fruitless, however, von “Au Lait” was sited in West Hollywood savoring a Starbucks and sucking a stogie, and graciously consented to the following interview:
PS: There is an awful lot of this stuff rearing its ___(s) (pick whichever body part you delight to complete descriptive) on the WWW as of late – again. I dunno, it seems whenever the world’s economy gets stuck, or there are mindless, ceaseless wars, its deja vu with all this conspiracy talk. For me, it’s human nature to want to blame somebody else for problems, but re-hashing the same tired arguments is – tired. Now I love a good conspiracy story, and often they make compelling page-turners, but debates are always won on facts. Making the rounds once again thanks to the “illumaniti,” as it has since World War II, is this preponderance of evidence that the world’s wealthiest families, e.g.; Rockefellers, Rothchilds, Warburgs, DuPonts, Easys, etc., form this secret-private coalition/cartel with designs to control banks, soverign nations, oceans, whatever. These stories have made many an author rich, famous, and infamous. To the latter, I refer to that great poet and visionary pioneer of the “modernist” movement, from Hailey, Idaho; the late Ezra Pound. Fascinating guy, became an on-air radio Nazi propagandist and Mussolini sympathiser whilst living in Europe, turned himself in in 1945 for treason against the United States, had what appeared to some as a nervous breakdown, plead insanity at his trial (treason is supposed to be a capital offense) and spent 13 years in a mental facility; St. Elizabeths in Washington, DC. Following his release, he declared “America is a lunatic asylum,” and motored back to his favored Italy, where he died in 1972.Sad, but it is noted, some of his best work ensued during this, his “blue period” hospital days, leading many to question his “insanity.” Pound, among other things, knew how to tell and sell a story, and favoured grand conspiracies. Among the better tales, was that of the history of the United States Federal Reserve and how the wealthy of the world conspired to control the banking system and start World War’s I and II for personal profit. Whilst a mental patient, Pound was permitted a few privileges, including a personal researcher; Mr. Eustace Mullins of Roanoke, Virginia, who had been fired by the Library of Congress, to assist with Pound’s literary career. Pound commissioned Mullins to write the story, cautioning care to “tell it like a detective story.” The book; “Secrets of the Federal Reserve,” was the product, and has been re-written in subsequent books by others many times since. All decent and compelling page turners, all frought with inaccuracies and historical mis-statements of facts, all bunk. Read them if you have time and desire, I’ve read them all, and will even loan you my copies, if needed (borrowed from somebody else, heY!). Alas, all the doods from the “modernist” movement are now dead and gone; Yeats, Sandburg, Hemmingway, etc., save one lone survivor; Eustace Mullins. Enjoy Mr. Mullins views of the world in the short interviews below. Today, Mullins serves on the editorial staff of the far-right Willis Carto’s “American Free Press” and is a contributing editor to the “Barnes Review.” A word of caution to those who care about men suffering obviously from “Oldtimers,” – Mullins, as you will see, is, like many of his peers, a devout anti-semite. Sigh. Lastly, believe whatever you want to believe, I say. Can’t live your life in the baby seat. Just, be careful.
At the papal Mass at Washington, D.C.’s Nationals Park this morning, 46,000 were in attendance, and to partake of Holy Communion, including Senators John Kerry, Chris Dodd, and Ted Kennedy.
Kennedy, a Catholic, conspicuously remained seated as his row was called for Communion, whilst Senate brethren Kerry and Todd showed no reservation.
“Blasphemy, Sacrilege!” Or…better, “Scandal – Kennedy loses taste for alcohol!”
Before anybody blows a Catechism, sorry, none of the above. Turns out, only Kennedy did the right (hmm) thing. Surprised? Read on…
Ranking authorities in the Vatican, and indeed the Pope himself, have insisted that pro-abortion politicians be denied Holy Communion. Kennedy, Kerry, and Dodd each hold public stances favoring abortion.
Francis Cardinal Arinze, the Prefect of the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Discipline of the Sacraments, speaking at a Catholic family conference in Ohio last November confirmed that pro-abortion politicians must be denied communion. He referenced a 2004 letter on the subject sent by then-Cardinal Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI, who said that such politicians “must” be refused Communion.
Several prominent US bishops with the leading of now-retired Washington Cardinal Theodore McCarrick have refused to follow such direction from Rome.
Paris Hilton was not observed among the faithful, and Britney Spears was not contacted for comment.
”It’s not surprising… they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them…”
“Religion is a bulwark, a foundation when other things aren’t going well. That’s true in my own life.”
~ Senator Barack Obama – “The Bitter Speech,” San Fransisco, CA, 13 April, 2008.
First, the Reverend Jeremiah Wright thing didn’t work out so good, and now – the speech – another religious Obama-bomba. So, it should surprise nobody that Barack Obama would try to put some new clothes on the bitter beast by naming his “National Catholic Advisory Committee.”
“The Nomination Process Works In Mysterious Ways…”
I have no clue what role these esteemed people are supposed to play, but do note, according to the just published Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life,Catholics make up a whopping 24% of Americans over the (voting) age of 18. What a divine coincidence!
Since “things aren’t going well,” here is the “foundation” Obama is “clinging” to as advisors in all issues Catholic, I suppose:
The Obama Catholic Kitchen Cabinet:
National Co-Chairs -
Senator Bob Casey;
Representative Patrick Murphy (PA-08);
Former Congressman Tim Roemer, President of the Center for National Policy;
Governor Kathleen Sebelius of Kansas;
Governor Tim Kaine of Virginia;
Tom Chabolla, Assistant to the President, Service Employees International Union;
Victoria Reggie Kennedy, President, Common Sense About Kids and Guns;
Sr. Jamie Phelps, O.P., Professor of Theology, Xavier University;
Sr. Catherine Pinkerton, Congregation of St. Joseph.
National Steering Committee -
Mary Jo Bane, Professor, Harvard Kennedy School;
Nicholas P. Cafardi, Catholic Author and Scholar, Pittsburgh, PA;
Lisa Cahill, Professor of Theology, Boston College;
M. Shawn Copeland, Associate Professor of Theology, Boston College;
Ron Cruz, Leadership Development Consultant, Burke, VA;
Sharon Daly, Social Justice Advocate, Knoxville, MD;
Richard Gaillardetz, Murray/Bacik Professor of Catholic Studies, University of Toledo;
Grant Gallicho, Associate Editor, Commonweal Magazine;
Sr. Margaret Gannon, IHM, Scranton, PA;
Don Guter, Judge Advocate General of the Navy (2000-2002); Rear Admiral, Judge Advocate General’s Corps, U.S. Navy (Ret.), Pittsburgh, PA;
Cathleen Kaveny, Professor of Law and Professor of Theology, University of Notre Dame;
Jim Kesteloot, President and Executive Director, Chicago Lighthouse;
Vincent Miller, Associate Professor of Theology, Georgetown University.
