Starbucks So Grande!

STARBUCKS GRANDE DEAL…

Moovie Me!

Looking to bring more “value-oriented” (Madison Avenue speak for broke, but alert) consumers through its doors for a late afternoon caffeine fix, Starbucks Corp. said it will now offer its morning customers any iced Grande beverage for $2 after 2 p.m.

The price is a big cut from the normal price of most grande-sized iced drinks. A Grande iced latte, for example, costs about $4. To get the discount, assuming you have any room left on your home equity line, customers must present a receipt from their morning Starbucks visit. (Didn’t make it in this morning? Look for hovering receipt scalpers.)

We are not impressed. Even at $2, it’s still a $1 market. Not so, according to Brad Stevens, vice president of customer relationship management for Starbucks, saying, “I think we’ve kind of hit the nail on the head, It’s easy for baristas to implement and it’s easy for customers to understand.”

Wow. It must be incredibly difficult for Starbucks management to haul their “Venti” brains out of bed to come up with this stuff. I have no doubt this gimmick will be successful in pumping out a bunch of the bilge this afternoon, but the bottom line is as fundamental as the bottom of the boat; the price to get on board is just too dang high. “It’s the economy, stupid!”

One thing is certain. A tsunami of calories are going to be ingested this afternoon, and the weight of the world will shift into a high gravity alert. You do the math. Some of those Starbucks adult, wannabe a kiddie, beverages are upwards of 500 calories per Grande. There are 3,500 calories in one pound of weight, and there are over 15,000 Starbucks filling stations.

But, two bucks is two bucks, and if you are going to take advantage of this magnanimous offer, here’s a link to the handy Starbucks Calorie Counter. This will not only help you decide what’s going in you, but hopefully, will get you stimulated to “move it” in line a bit faster. Know that a cup of “Um,” “I can’t decide,”  and “Give me a minute,” is not on the menu board. Oh, and a final tip: Grande iced tea is only $1.85, today’s sucker order.

ANEMIC ROYALTY

JAWBONE THIS

ADULTS WARNING: RANT TO FOLLOW…

Grown-up cell conversations. What gives? Actual (partial) conversation, and eavesdropping is not required – it’s out there, for everybody to hear:

Hey, you!

Hey.

Whatcha doin’?

Nothin’. Whatchoo doin’, dawg?

Nothin’. Getting ready to text you.

Really? Cool! Me too!

Me too, what?

You know, text you.

Oh, OK, Cool! Where are you?

At the gym. Where are you?

Really? Me too! Where? I don’t see you.

PAUSE FOR THIS BRIEF COMMERCIAL MESSAGE:

Honestly, people, lose the cell phone and get a life! Making matters worse are these new, no-thought, State laws requiring your hands to be free while driving, ostensibly for more important permissible things like texting and sucking on a venti sextipple shot soy frappacino vanilla mocha latte with whipped. Want a stock tip? Bluetooth and/or Starbucks, their lobbyists are in every Statehouse in the United States. As if that’s not enough, they’ve gone global, bending the ears of the European Union, now acquiescing to cell phone rapping on planes over European air space. Even Europeans were against that move, by 85% in a published poll! The only saving grace is that “quiet time” is during take-off and landing, so enjoy your nap, I guess.

I never would have believed that hearing aids would become a fashion accessory, but dang if everybody hasn’t got one growing out of their ear canal. And what’s with the flashing light? State trooper-blue seems to be the color of choice, a bonus thrown in by Bluetooth to either ward off mosquitoes or alert low flying crop dusters. However, if you see somebody rapping and the light is not on, there is no incoming voice, so move quickly to the other side of the street. These people are potentially dangerous, as only the seriously deranged talk to themselves.

I used to feel sorry for my Grandparents when their hearing left and it was wear a device or just nod, smile and fake believe they were following the conversation. Old age self-consciousness took over for the longest time, and hearing aids got so tiny folks were actually losing them in their ears. Not anymore – the bigger, and gaudier, the better!

OK, I’m done. Enough. I’ll hang up now.

ANEMIC ROYALTY