HOLLYWOOD’S AGENDA

“IT’S THE (REAL ESTATE) ECONOMY, STUPID…”

I was going to title this story; “Hollywood’s Hidden Agenda,” but the plot is so Twiggy-thin, even those with sublimed non-prime minds can see right through California’s latest ruse to dump it’s still laughably overpriced and undesirable faux-terrazzoed real estate. Oh, I’ll give ‘em an “A” for attempt, but even George Bush knows; “foolin’ me onced’, and yeah, twiced’ fooled me…or something like that, yeah.”

In case you didn’t know, the latest left coast trend in property sales, is a voter initiative scheduled to hit this November’s ballot called Proposition 2, the Prevention of Farm Animal Cruelty Act. “Ee-Yi-Ee-Yi-Yo!” Nothing but old time guerrilla marketing, barnyard-style, crankin’ here, Porky.

Ed Begley, Jr, Ellen DeGeneres and Ed Asner have “issues.”

I don’t know who started this, I got bored reading, but you can pick it up by clicking your heels on their lame logo below and be swept over the rainbow to the “Californian’s For Humane Farms” website and sign up to host a “house party” for pregnant pigs and layer hens in need of more space, ostensibly for Tai Chi class, or to do their Pilates, I reckon.

According to the site, and all the big-time “B-list” endorsers; “It is cruel and inhumane to confine animals in cages so small that they can’t turn around or stretch their limbs. All animals deserve humane treatment, including those raised for food.” Talk about your oxymorons – Holy Cow, Batman!

I see what’s going on here. Since they can’t give away condos to humans these days, they’re out to bust existing laws banning farm animals from Melrose to Malibu creating a whole new buying segment. Finally, “Arnold Ziffle,” retired from his pig gig on “Green Acres,” can put his re-run royalties to a Realtor’s refuse along with the likes of Ed, the other Ed, and Ellen up there. And speaking none to fondly of Ellen, I can’t imagine a worse choice on the menu to spear this “humane” effort. This is the fem that just last year found herself fricasseed by the public for getting rid of her adopted homeless rescue puppy because her pre-existing feline friends had “issues” with the new kid, dog! People, puh-leeze…give me a…proposition!

The California Attorney General’s official summary of the chief purpose and points of Proposition 2 is as follows:

“TREATMENT OF FARM ANIMALS STATUTE. Requires that an enclosure or tether confining specified farm animals allow the animals for the majority of every day to fully extend their limbs or wings, lie down, stand up, and turn around. Specified animals include calves raised for veal, egg-laying hens, and pregnant pigs. Exceptions made for transportation, rodeos, fairs, 4-H programs, lawful slaughter, research and veterinary purposes. Provides misdemeanor penalties, including a fine not to exceed $1,000 and/or imprisonment in jail for up to 180 days. Summary of estimate by Legislative Analyst and Director of Finance of fiscal impact on state and local government: Probably minor local and state enforcement and prosecution costs, partly offset by increased fine revenue. (Initiative 07-0041.)”

It should be noted that if (when, I am certain) this thing is passed, the law will go into effect in the year 2015. Ehrum, why the wait? I mean, with all the neurotic chicks cooped in California, why not now? Even better, in order to generate immediate and sorely needed revenue from fines, and get some of these felons masking as family farmers off Rodeo Drive, why not go retroactive with the thing? So, why push out until 2015? One ponders; “What would Ma and Pa Kettle do, hmm?” It’s the real estate, “tha-tha-that’s all, folks.”

Consider this. According to those who know about these things; “given current market and economic conditions, coupled with the existing and projected future inventory achieved via foreclosure, it is predicted California will remain a net real estate “sellers market” for the next ten to twelve years.” Ha! Who’s gonna sit around until 2015 to cash-cow out of a condo?

Think food prices are high now? Go mandate swing-sets for pigs and frisbee trails for chickens, and wait and see what a plate of huevos rancheros will set you back. Of course, if you hafta’ have an incredible edible egg, I guess you can NAFTA it up from Mexico, because there is no way they will ever do something this insane.

I have this mental picture of being in a cali-chic restraunt, and my date enthusiastically asks the waiter about Chef Sandere’s special; the “beurre noisette seared chicken abruzzi with rosemary and sauterne…” to which, he gushes with somber aplomb; “Ah, mais oui, madame has made an excellent choice. We knew her fondly as Candice, and her foster-farmers recall she was extremely well-adjusted, no ADHD and Ritalin-free, and as a wee chick, enjoyed a fine disposition while playing crab soccer and pacific beach volleyball with her clucking cronies. We can, of course, serve this flambeed, should you fancy.”

Look, I’m all in fervent favor of humane treatment of God’s creatures (even most human’s), including the one’s that go hiss on the barbaque, but zero thought has gone into this ballot measure. Californians could no more exist without chicken on the chalkboard than they could without a cell phone in every ear. Yes, I know a couple of other states including Arizona have similar laws, but that’s the land of Barry Goldwater and John McCain – they eat ten penny nails over there, and only write laws to dupe tourists into thinking they are progressive and proactive. How else you gonna get people to pay to see mesas and tar pits?

We already have laws in all 50 states prohibiting animal cruelty, and can/should do a better job with enforcement. Even New Mexico outlawed cock fighting just last year. (You go, Governor Bill!) Somebody else has just got to find a better way of selling real estate – or a better use of one’s time and resources.

“Dahling I love you, but give me Park Avenue…” “Dah-dumb…”

ANEMIC ROYALTY

DENIZEN McCAIN

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO COME OUT AND VOTE…

“Denizen McCain” is the upcoming drama to be staged by the Republican National Committee September 1 – 8, 2008 at the Xcel Energy Center in Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota. The story promises to unveil the life of John Sidney McCain, III, born in 1936, a man whose public career has been lived of idealistic social service, and promises not to gradually evolve into a ruthless pursuit of power. Voted the Republican  Presidential nominee principally through dismal historical flashbacks, the saga continues as the world tries to solve the mystery of; “where’s the oil, bud?”

~ Anemi

CITIZEN KANE ~ THEATRICAL TRAILER ~ 1941

Anemic Royalty on Anemic “Royalty”

Truth or Dare Paparazzi

You know the economy is bad when nothing, and I mean NOTHING is going on in Hollywood worthy of reporting. What to do when you need a story, and can’t even find a Yorkie to kick down Rodeo Drive? Hmm. GOT IT! What say we check in with Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Frederic, and catch a glow of what he’s been  up to, what fun, heY!

But first, up for a bit of sport? How about a multiple choice quiz, I’ll call it Truth or Dare Paparazzi, where you, are the Photog, and your mission is to get a pic of Zsa Zsa Gabor. (Told you things were slow). As with anything worth doing, this is not going to be easy, and there is a “price” to be paid. So, to get the winning shot, which are you more willing to endure?

a)     Getting a rep for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.

b)     Getting a fat lip from an old person who thinks he’s a younger man and an old monarch for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.

c)     Wasting three years by suing an old person who thinks he’s a younger man and an old monarch for giving you a fat lip for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.

d)     Gah, I dunno, all of the above.

I know, tough choices, but, this is Hollywood, land of “Greed is Good,” so take answer “d”, be safe and go for it all.

This is exactly what photographer Dirk Smeten, age unknown, did, saying he worried he would be killed when Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband slugged him in the face three years ago on a Beverly Hills street corner.

In his legal complaint, Dirk claimed Frederic von “Ask Him” (Gabor’s husband) aged apx. 75, was  in the vicinity and began punching him about the lips while Smeten photographed him and/or Zsa Zsa Gabor, aged apx. 92, in May 2005. According to the complaint, the blow(s) caused Smeten to fall down in suffering with lip lacerations, cuts to his face, swelling, pain, high blood pressure, headaches and stress symptoms, to which Smeten continues to this day to get psychiatric care.

Herr von “All Sprechen” said he initially wanted to give Smeten about twenty large for busting on his chops, but Smeten opted for the long court road home in search of $137,000. On Friday, the court awarded Dirk $4,510, about right I’d say, after three years of negative economic adjustments.

A search for Smeten for comment turned out to be fruitless, however, von “Au Lait” was sited in West Hollywood savoring a Starbucks and sucking a stogie, and graciously consented to the following interview:

(Click pic for interview after the jump in new browser window or copy to http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1509417576)

ANEMIC ROYALTY

YARD PARTY

KIM KARDASHIAN

We heard that – you can’t say; “Son-of-a’ B_,” here! Weary, after a day of shopping, famous Armenian, and more famous for knowing Paris Hilton, Super Cellulite Socialite Kim Kardashian has a gathering on her back yard.

SOCIAL CLIMBERS

Need Money? Hey, be like Paris and do a sex tape, then be sure to lose it on the Internet for exponential growth. Kim Kardashian, daughter of one of the O.J. Simpson “dream team” lawyers, dropped her suit against Vivid Entertainment over the release of her sex tape co-starring rapper Ray J., in exchange for $5 million. “We’ve always wanted to work something out with Kim so she could share in the profits,” Vivid co-chairman Steven Hirsch said. Meh-he-he, talk about rapid gross box appreciation! Three months after Vivid bought the tape from a “third party” for $1 million, Kardashian sued for invasion of privacy, claiming that selling it was “despicable” and “malicious.” Must of had a really good lawyer. Beats me who will be interested in “invading” the outwardly non-private “despicable!” That’s what’s “malicious!”

Our attempts to contact Miss Kardashian to get her take on global warming and the still sticky Sheryl Crow tissue went unanswered.

KIM KARDASHIAN SEX GODDESS

This just in, from; “‘Suit’-Case Solved”…

Dear Anemi,

I just wanted to thank you for this post. Weighing heavily on my mind for years, it was Kim’s father; Robert Kardashian, who met OJ Simpson at LAX on his return from Chicago to face the music. Testimony was that Mr. Kardashian was the last to handle Simpson’s baggage, which was never recovered. Without fear of myopia, you have surely cracked the case. Someone should should page Mark Fuhrman to join the “yard party.” Sign me,

“Suitcase Solved”

heY Butt-ie, ‘da Conga line forms in ‘da ReaR, oY!

HITLER IS ALIVE! CLICK THE PIC FOR THE SHOCKING STORY, heY!