Keeping Up With the Tush

A NEW CELEBRITY FITNESS CRAZE?

Kim’s been so dang busy on the set keeping up with the rest of the Kardashian’s, and a Jenner or two, that we’ve barely had time to follow the doings of the tush.

“Bumpin’ Booties” with Kim Kardashian

That’s one BIG cop, heY! Yes, there is a physical test which you must pass in a flat 4 minutes and 28 seconds before becoming a flat foot in New York City. From what I understand, “continuing phys-ed” is not required once you’re on the role growing your career in force, but, the initial Job Standards Test (JST) requires:

1. Running 50 feet to and over a six foot wall.
2. Climb up and down six stair steps thrice.
3. Arm wrestle contest with a machine.
4. Jog about some traffic cones for 600 feet.
5. Drag a 176 pound doll for 35 feet.
6. Grab a fake pistol, stick it through a circle, “shoot” it 15 times, switch hands, do it 16 more.

Training tips are available on the NYPD Recruit web site, outwardly; “avoid junk food and concentrate on a well balanced diet for several days before the test.”

Mayor Bloomberg – are you listening? You could trim the cities bloated budget and start a new fitness craze, called “Coppin’ Kim’s Calisthenics” or something. Imagine the hype;

“Do you want ‘buns of Kardashian?’ Now, you too can be the butt with a one-time commitment of only four minutes and twenty-eight seconds. What are you waiting for? Get those yershiks outta your mouth and call today.”

I know, a little rough around the edges, but Spitzer’s not doing anything, get him busy on it. No doubt Kim will go for the money, particularly since Britney Spears just beat her out to be the new model gym-chick for Bally Total Fitness. Whatever. Anything is better than boozin’ around Beverly Hills and fender-bending Bentleys, I guess.

ANEMIC ROYALTY

YARD PARTY

KIM KARDASHIAN

We heard that – you can’t say; “Son-of-a’ B_,” here! Weary, after a day of shopping, famous Armenian, and more famous for knowing Paris Hilton, Super Cellulite Socialite Kim Kardashian has a gathering on her back yard.

SOCIAL CLIMBERS

Need Money? Hey, be like Paris and do a sex tape, then be sure to lose it on the Internet for exponential growth. Kim Kardashian, daughter of one of the O.J. Simpson “dream team” lawyers, dropped her suit against Vivid Entertainment over the release of her sex tape co-starring rapper Ray J., in exchange for $5 million. “We’ve always wanted to work something out with Kim so she could share in the profits,” Vivid co-chairman Steven Hirsch said. Meh-he-he, talk about rapid gross box appreciation! Three months after Vivid bought the tape from a “third party” for $1 million, Kardashian sued for invasion of privacy, claiming that selling it was “despicable” and “malicious.” Must of had a really good lawyer. Beats me who will be interested in “invading” the outwardly non-private “despicable!” That’s what’s “malicious!”

Our attempts to contact Miss Kardashian to get her take on global warming and the still sticky Sheryl Crow tissue went unanswered.

KIM KARDASHIAN SEX GODDESS

This just in, from; “‘Suit’-Case Solved”…

Dear Anemi,

I just wanted to thank you for this post. Weighing heavily on my mind for years, it was Kim’s father; Robert Kardashian, who met OJ Simpson at LAX on his return from Chicago to face the music. Testimony was that Mr. Kardashian was the last to handle Simpson’s baggage, which was never recovered. Without fear of myopia, you have surely cracked the case. Someone should should page Mark Fuhrman to join the “yard party.” Sign me,

“Suitcase Solved”

heY Butt-ie, ‘da Conga line forms in ‘da ReaR, oY!

HITLER IS ALIVE! CLICK THE PIC FOR THE SHOCKING STORY, heY!