JAWBONE THIS

ADULTS WARNING: RANT TO FOLLOW…

Grown-up cell conversations. What gives? Actual (partial) conversation, and eavesdropping is not required – it’s out there, for everybody to hear:

Hey, you!

Hey.

Whatcha doin’?

Nothin’. Whatchoo doin’, dawg?

Nothin’. Getting ready to text you.

Really? Cool! Me too!

Me too, what?

You know, text you.

Oh, OK, Cool! Where are you?

At the gym. Where are you?

Really? Me too! Where? I don’t see you.

PAUSE FOR THIS BRIEF COMMERCIAL MESSAGE:

Honestly, people, lose the cell phone and get a life! Making matters worse are these new, no-thought, State laws requiring your hands to be free while driving, ostensibly for more important permissible things like texting and sucking on a venti sextipple shot soy frappacino vanilla mocha latte with whipped. Want a stock tip? Bluetooth and/or Starbucks, their lobbyists are in every Statehouse in the United States. As if that’s not enough, they’ve gone global, bending the ears of the European Union, now acquiescing to cell phone rapping on planes over European air space. Even Europeans were against that move, by 85% in a published poll! The only saving grace is that “quiet time” is during take-off and landing, so enjoy your nap, I guess.

I never would have believed that hearing aids would become a fashion accessory, but dang if everybody hasn’t got one growing out of their ear canal. And what’s with the flashing light? State trooper-blue seems to be the color of choice, a bonus thrown in by Bluetooth to either ward off mosquitoes or alert low flying crop dusters. However, if you see somebody rapping and the light is not on, there is no incoming voice, so move quickly to the other side of the street. These people are potentially dangerous, as only the seriously deranged talk to themselves.

I used to feel sorry for my Grandparents when their hearing left and it was wear a device or just nod, smile and fake believe they were following the conversation. Old age self-consciousness took over for the longest time, and hearing aids got so tiny folks were actually losing them in their ears. Not anymore – the bigger, and gaudier, the better!

OK, I’m done. Enough. I’ll hang up now.

ANEMIC ROYALTY

Anemic Royalty on Anemic “Royalty”

Truth or Dare Paparazzi

You know the economy is bad when nothing, and I mean NOTHING is going on in Hollywood worthy of reporting. What to do when you need a story, and can’t even find a Yorkie to kick down Rodeo Drive? Hmm. GOT IT! What say we check in with Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Frederic, and catch a glow of what he’s been  up to, what fun, heY!

But first, up for a bit of sport? How about a multiple choice quiz, I’ll call it Truth or Dare Paparazzi, where you, are the Photog, and your mission is to get a pic of Zsa Zsa Gabor. (Told you things were slow). As with anything worth doing, this is not going to be easy, and there is a “price” to be paid. So, to get the winning shot, which are you more willing to endure?

a)     Getting a rep for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.

b)     Getting a fat lip from an old person who thinks he’s a younger man and an old monarch for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.

c)     Wasting three years by suing an old person who thinks he’s a younger man and an old monarch for giving you a fat lip for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.

d)     Gah, I dunno, all of the above.

I know, tough choices, but, this is Hollywood, land of “Greed is Good,” so take answer “d”, be safe and go for it all.

This is exactly what photographer Dirk Smeten, age unknown, did, saying he worried he would be killed when Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband slugged him in the face three years ago on a Beverly Hills street corner.

In his legal complaint, Dirk claimed Frederic von “Ask Him” (Gabor’s husband) aged apx. 75, was  in the vicinity and began punching him about the lips while Smeten photographed him and/or Zsa Zsa Gabor, aged apx. 92, in May 2005. According to the complaint, the blow(s) caused Smeten to fall down in suffering with lip lacerations, cuts to his face, swelling, pain, high blood pressure, headaches and stress symptoms, to which Smeten continues to this day to get psychiatric care.

Herr von “All Sprechen” said he initially wanted to give Smeten about twenty large for busting on his chops, but Smeten opted for the long court road home in search of $137,000. On Friday, the court awarded Dirk $4,510, about right I’d say, after three years of negative economic adjustments.

A search for Smeten for comment turned out to be fruitless, however, von “Au Lait” was sited in West Hollywood savoring a Starbucks and sucking a stogie, and graciously consented to the following interview:

(Click pic for interview after the jump in new browser window or copy to http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1509417576)

ANEMIC ROYALTY