Posts Tagged ‘yahoo’

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AIN’T MY BABY

August 10, 2008

“It depends…on what the definition of ‘ain’t’ – ain’t.”

Senator John Edwards and "Baby Ain't"

Senator John Edwards and "Baby Ain't"

“Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby” written by Louis Jordan and Billy Austin in 1944. “Is” was a Billboard Number One chart topper.

I got a gal whos always late,
anytime we have a date
but i love her,
yes i love her
I'm gunna walk right up to her gate
and see if i can get it straight
cause I want her
I'm gunna ask her

Is you is or is you aint my baby?
the way you're acting latley makes me doubt
you's is still my baby, baby
seize my flame and your hearts' done and gone out

A woman is a creature, 
that has always been strange
just when your sure of one, 
you find shes gone and made a change

Is you is or is you aint my baby?
maybe babys found somebody new
or is my baby still my baby true? (x2)

IS YOU IS ~ TOM and JERRY

ANEMIC ROYALTY

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A DICK FOR A DAY

July 26, 2008

SUMMER READING IS COMING

Anyhow, I’m over at Amazon.com on on a book buying bender, as I am oft to do, (not – I usually borrow or steal) and I bump into A Dick by Fiona Giles, digester of fifty penis-envy anecdotes like; “what would you do if you had one?” as told by all types of “in-the-know” women folk.

"What's a Dick for? ...Exactly, I say!"

"What's a Dick for? ...Exactly, I say!"

At $25, Dick was out of my reach in hard back, and I was still not stimulated at $19 for the soft covered Dick. Amazon is good though, and reminded me that I could get Dick, wrapped as a gift for no additional charge. Still, I did not bite on Dick. Goading my sense of loss, I was informed used Dick’s were available starting unbelievably small at only $.03 a unit, and I guess at this price, a Dick that has only been had for a day might be a worthy summer pass time. The pre-owned condition notwithstanding, I whipped-out my credit card and popped, and if you wish, I’ll loan you my Dick when done.

~ X anemi

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PRINCE PORNO

July 24, 2008

OVER AT AUTOBLOG.NL

“Prince” German Embarrassment Marcus Somebody

They are reporting “breaking” news that (he is not a) Prince Marcus Eberhard Edward (is not) of Anhalt, (nope) Duke of Saxony and (nor here) Westphalia, (wannabe) Count of Askania, well known for his jetsetting and international tabledance club chain (one dive is a “chain?”) “Pure Platinum” as well as extensive supercar collection has taken the displeasure of severely cracking his orange Gemballa Porsche Carrera GT at the famous Paul Ricard racing circuit in France.

“Next time you ask yourself, who has the money or inclination to buy a Porsche Carrera GT worth €500,000 in addition to Gemballa’s €225,000 tuning package, think of this guy!” NOT!

Listen. This Porno Puff Pastry-Meister is no more a Prince than is his Pseudo Papa; Frederic Anhalt, hospice husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Until somebody shows me Puffy’s “pink slip,” the only thing I find credible about the following pictures is the possibility that the tire is actually out of air, and that this is the finance company doing a re-po on their collateral.

“Dahling I love you, but who’s zoomin’ who?” (Sorry, Zsa Zsa!)

ANEMIC ROYALTY at it’s FINEST:

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OBAMA HITS THE WALL

July 24, 2008

’Ich bin ein Berliner’ NOT!

A lone artist puts the finishing strokes on the replacement setting for US presidential wannabe Barack Obama’s “photo-op” in Berlin.

Barack Obama wanted to give a keynote address on transatlantic relations at the Brandenburg Gate during his visit to Germany today, however, German Chancellor Angela Merkel said “nein,” reasoning that the site should only be reserved for very special occasion addresses by politicians, and only by elected American presidents.

I say, bravo, and props to the Chancellor! Seriously, this “stunt” attempt by Obama pretty much finished him for me. I mean, what happened to the guy who claims to be all about “change,” and finding new breath apart from the status quo? Obama needs to make his own place in history by dealing with the present. The time has never been better.

~ Anemi

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ASPIRATIONS

July 23, 2008

Anyhow, I had this aspiration last night, which is kinda like a dream, but not a great one, but one of those when you wake up and you’re not done with it, so you try to go back to sleep and hope it will come back on and finish the way you want. You know what I mean, right, heY!
~ anemi

Senator Barack Obama and General David Petraeus do Baghdad

ANEMIC ROYALTY

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ORGASM

July 22, 2008

Over in the UK, 31 July is National Orgasm Day. Here it is, and I celebrate, I suppose, in knowing how far I’ve come, erstwhile yet, realizing there is much to do about a broad.
~ anemi

“So Anemi, you’re so cheeky, do tell us your plans for NOD! Are you going to a party, the NOD parade, the Nodworks display, what?”

“Oh, I dunno. I haven’t a bean to wear, and BK is feeling a wee unmighty, so I may just lie low and pack it in with a mate or two, grill a tuber, and catch the festivities on the boobie.”

Do you ever wonder the origin of old sayings like “barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen?” I’m betting I solved this one:

“Sexual passion is the driving force in life in a partnership of equals. Men desire physical gratification; female fulfillment is enhanced by home and children. Out of that mix comes orgasm.”
Rev Herbert Gray, a founder of the Marriage Guidance Council, 1938

ANEMIC ROYALTY

“Want to learn more about rearing, a family, or STD’s? Keep it up with the unprotected sex. That’ll do it, heY!”

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HOLLYWOOD’S AGENDA

July 18, 2008

“IT’S THE (REAL ESTATE) ECONOMY, STUPID…”

I was going to title this story; “Hollywood’s Hidden Agenda,” but the plot is so Twiggy-thin, even those with sublimed non-prime minds can see right through California’s latest ruse to dump it’s still laughably overpriced and undesirable faux-terrazzoed real estate. Oh, I’ll give ‘em an “A” for attempt, but even George Bush knows; “foolin’ me onced’, and yeah, twiced’ fooled me…or something like that, yeah.”

In case you didn’t know, the latest left coast trend in property sales, is a voter initiative scheduled to hit this November’s ballot called Proposition 2, the Prevention of Farm Animal Cruelty Act. “Ee-Yi-Ee-Yi-Yo!” Nothing but old time guerrilla marketing, barnyard-style, crankin’ here, Porky.

Ed Begley, Jr, Ellen DeGeneres and Ed Asner have “issues.”

I don’t know who started this, I got bored reading, but you can pick it up by clicking your heels on their lame logo below and be swept over the rainbow to the “Californian’s For Humane Farms” website and sign up to host a “house party” for pregnant pigs and layer hens in need of more space, ostensibly for Tai Chi class, or to do their Pilates, I reckon.

According to the site, and all the big-time “B-list” endorsers; “It is cruel and inhumane to confine animals in cages so small that they can’t turn around or stretch their limbs. All animals deserve humane treatment, including those raised for food.” Talk about your oxymorons – Holy Cow, Batman!

I see what’s going on here. Since they can’t give away condos to humans these days, they’re out to bust existing laws banning farm animals from Melrose to Malibu creating a whole new buying segment. Finally, “Arnold Ziffle,” retired from his pig gig on “Green Acres,” can put his re-run royalties to a Realtor’s refuse along with the likes of Ed, the other Ed, and Ellen up there. And speaking none to fondly of Ellen, I can’t imagine a worse choice on the menu to spear this “humane” effort. This is the fem that just last year found herself fricasseed by the public for getting rid of her adopted homeless rescue puppy because her pre-existing feline friends had “issues” with the new kid, dog! People, puh-leeze…give me a…proposition!

The California Attorney General’s official summary of the chief purpose and points of Proposition 2 is as follows:

“TREATMENT OF FARM ANIMALS STATUTE. Requires that an enclosure or tether confining specified farm animals allow the animals for the majority of every day to fully extend their limbs or wings, lie down, stand up, and turn around. Specified animals include calves raised for veal, egg-laying hens, and pregnant pigs. Exceptions made for transportation, rodeos, fairs, 4-H programs, lawful slaughter, research and veterinary purposes. Provides misdemeanor penalties, including a fine not to exceed $1,000 and/or imprisonment in jail for up to 180 days. Summary of estimate by Legislative Analyst and Director of Finance of fiscal impact on state and local government: Probably minor local and state enforcement and prosecution costs, partly offset by increased fine revenue. (Initiative 07-0041.)”

It should be noted that if (when, I am certain) this thing is passed, the law will go into effect in the year 2015. Ehrum, why the wait? I mean, with all the neurotic chicks cooped in California, why not now? Even better, in order to generate immediate and sorely needed revenue from fines, and get some of these felons masking as family farmers off Rodeo Drive, why not go retroactive with the thing? So, why push out until 2015? One ponders; “What would Ma and Pa Kettle do, hmm?” It’s the real estate, “tha-tha-that’s all, folks.”

Consider this. According to those who know about these things; “given current market and economic conditions, coupled with the existing and projected future inventory achieved via foreclosure, it is predicted California will remain a net real estate “sellers market” for the next ten to twelve years.” Ha! Who’s gonna sit around until 2015 to cash-cow out of a condo?

Think food prices are high now? Go mandate swing-sets for pigs and frisbee trails for chickens, and wait and see what a plate of huevos rancheros will set you back. Of course, if you hafta’ have an incredible edible egg, I guess you can NAFTA it up from Mexico, because there is no way they will ever do something this insane.

I have this mental picture of being in a cali-chic restraunt, and my date enthusiastically asks the waiter about Chef Sandere’s special; the “beurre noisette seared chicken abruzzi with rosemary and sauterne…” to which, he gushes with somber aplomb; “Ah, mais oui, madame has made an excellent choice. We knew her fondly as Candice, and her foster-farmers recall she was extremely well-adjusted, no ADHD and Ritalin-free, and as a wee chick, enjoyed a fine disposition while playing crab soccer and pacific beach volleyball with her clucking cronies. We can, of course, serve this flambeed, should you fancy.”

Look, I’m all in fervent favor of humane treatment of God’s creatures (even most human’s), including the one’s that go hiss on the barbaque, but zero thought has gone into this ballot measure. Californians could no more exist without chicken on the chalkboard than they could without a cell phone in every ear. Yes, I know a couple of other states including Arizona have similar laws, but that’s the land of Barry Goldwater and John McCain – they eat ten penny nails over there, and only write laws to dupe tourists into thinking they are progressive and proactive. How else you gonna get people to pay to see mesas and tar pits?

We already have laws in all 50 states prohibiting animal cruelty, and can/should do a better job with enforcement. Even New Mexico outlawed cock fighting just last year. (You go, Governor Bill!) Somebody else has just got to find a better way of selling real estate – or a better use of one’s time and resources.

“Dahling I love you, but give me Park Avenue…” “Dah-dumb…”

ANEMIC ROYALTY

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YOUR RIGHT TO WHINE

July 13, 2008

USE IT, OR LOSE IT…

So, former Senator, and erstwhile economic Czar to John McCain, Phil Gramm is “in dutch” for saying this about Americans:

“We have sort of, become a nation of whiners. You just hear this constant whining…”

John “I feel your pain” McCain, the presumptuous (sic) Republican presidential nominee, scared he won’t live long enough to covet the White House, immediately goes dutch-candy-tail, and attempts to distance himself by asserting; “Phil doesn’t speak for me.” Well…why not?

John and other critics are missing something here. Phil was close, but blew it when he said; “sort of, become.” Huh? America was founded by whiners, and for centuries now, whining has made it the “in” place to live, and let me explain. I mean, what do you think the Pilgrims were up to back in the 1600′s? Whining, of course. Whining for religious freedom from the Church of England. Feeling strongly about it, they whined their way out of England and wound up re-locating to the Netherlands, until “issues” caused them to re-whine a long, full ten years later, and then take their act to America.

History shows us, and the Pilgrims wrote to all, that life was tough in the Netherlands. They spent dry their savings withdrawn from the Bank of England, couldn’t find “suitable” employment, had “trouble” learning the Dutch language, and knew there was a big problem when all the young Pilgrims decided to bolt back to England for a better gig, leaving the old broke Pilgrims to fend for themselves.

The Pilgrims even whined about moving to America with all it’s uncertainties. (They almost moved to Guiana, but their English investors and business partners sold them on America instead). Stories had come back from America about failed colonies. There were fears that the native people would be violent, that there would be no source of food or water, that exposure to unknown diseases was possible, and that travel by sea was always hazardous. Anyhow, after some particularly unscrupulous business deals, lies, and high-seas hanky-panky, the Pilgrims made it to America in 1620, albeit, in the wrong place.

Fast-forward to the 1780s after the American Revolutionary War, necessitated because whining was not working fast enough to get a divorce from the English Monarchy. You would think winning the war would be enough to make all Americans happy, but nope. In effort to “incorporate” the new America, there was vehement whining between the “Federalists,” such as Alexander Hamilton who favored a strong federal government, and the “Anti-Federalists,” such as Thomas Jefferson and Patrick Henry who favored a weaker federal government. Go figure.

Patrick Henry, famously saying; “Give me liberty or give me death,” really meant, “I have a right to whine, hear me roar.” (Think “Freedom of Screech, er, Speech” here). and so was born the Bill of Rights and protections of the First Amendment of the Constitution, ratified in 1791.

Clearly, “the right to whine” is our most important, greasing the skids for 26 other, not to be over-shadowed Amendments, or rights. Nobody will dispute that America would not be great without the First Amendment, although caution, and sometimes discretion, is advised in exercising it judiciously. In example, speaking last Sunday, the Rev. Jesse Jackson said he wanted to “cut his [Barack Obama's] nuts out” and he accused the fellow Chicagoan of “talking down to black folks” on numerous issues and social concerns, including responsible fatherhood. Ouch! Talk about things that could make you whine!

Now, I don’t think anybody believes that Jesse will follow-through with his threat to Barack’s “family jewels,” but, it should be remembered that statements far more “civil,” have landed quite a few, including Jesse, in places much worse than than being “in dutch,” like the Pilgrims.

Everybody recalls where they were in the 1970′s when Peter Finch famously whined from an open window of his Manhattan co-op in the movie “Network;” “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore,” and likewise in the 1980′s with the equally riveting lesson of Michael Douglas in “Wall Street,” eloquently reminding a room full of whiners that “Greed is good.”

Look, whining gets things done in America. It’s practice is never “manly” or pretty, but where’s the beauty in pain and suffering? There is not a single homeless person that hasn’t seen a better day some place else, and our pot-holed streets are getting crowded with 1 out of 500 families now (and growing) in some stage of foreclosure. If this is you, take comfort in knowing the good news is that getting run-over by a Prius is far less painful than by a Hummer. (And the Pilgrims thought they had it tough because they wouldn’t learn to speak Dutch).

I’m strongly in favor of whining, the “oil” which keeps America rolling. If it weren’t for “squeaking wheels,” Norm Larsen wouldn’t have realized his “American Dream” with the invention of WD-40 in the 1950′s, the same goo that actually enabled flight of our ICBM defense system and journeys to the moon. Whining got us Franklin Roosevelt’s “New Deal” in the 1930′s, and Lyndon Johnson’s “Great Society” of the 1960′s.

The real problem with America today is not whining, it’s that we’re not whining constructively enough. A case to consider, but let me first preface by saying I am no fan of either John McCain or Barack Obama. It doesn’t matter whether you call “it” (<<see Bill Clinton for definition of “it”) a recession, we’ve got some very serious money problems, causing all flavors of other problems, and no Norm Larsen, no “WD-40″ to turn to.

Pretend for a moment that you are a troubled business owner interviewing applicants for that accounting position, and some “John” waddles in and tells you; “I don’t really understand economics.” …Oh… Or, here comes “Barry,” the hot-shot candidate you’re considering for your HR problems, who lies to you about his people skills by saying, “I can no more disown him (Rev. Dr. Wright) than I can disown the black community. I can no more disown him than I can my white grandmother.” …My…

“Change” is already here for a bunch of folks, and it’s not all good. Live with it, or do something about it with a collective and concerted whine for the better. The Beastie Boys tried to convey this message over twenty years ago through song; “(You Gotta) Fight (Whine) sic for Your Right (to Party!)” …and drive the car of your choice, lose yourself in a McMansion, eat corn, and get a paycheck every once in a while…

BEASTIE BOYS ~ “FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT”

ANEMIC ROYALTY

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MORNING WOOD

June 9, 2008

BACK TO THE FUTURE…

WISH I COULD VOTE…

Have an amazing week, heY!

~ X anemi

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TRUMP SLUM(P)

May 7, 2008

We love a grand success story. This ain’t one of them.

Sales of the above computer game “yawner” aren’t exactly a “Grand Theft 4″ either.

It’s been six months since our last visit south of the San Diego border into Baja Mexico to check on Donald Trump’s “Gold Coast investment opportunity of a lifetime,” and well, perhaps not my lifetime, or yours either. You remember this place, don’t you? We first reported on this “Tijuana treasure” situated adjacent to a toxic sewage plant last October in our post; Rooms With a Pew! This project is turning out to be a task too tall for tycoon Trump, who boasts of resort condo construction from Bahrain to this Baja behemoth.

“The Donald,” is up against a more formidable foe than Rosie O’Donnell in this real estate slump slide, and admits; “the real estate market is a basic disaster.”

Donald Trump’s decision to lend his name to a lavish coastal condo-hotel project in Baja California brought worldwide visibility to the region’s unprecedented building boom. But two years after a San Diego sales event that drew hundreds of would-be purchasers, the planned three-tower Trump Ocean Resort has yet to break ground and development has skidded to “put it in park” along the Tijuana-Ensenada strip poorly dubbed the “Gold Coast.” Nothing is or has happened on this “resort” site just ten miles down the street from the US/Mexico border.

Tijuana officials say the developer received a land use permit in 2005, allowing 526 units to be built on the property that juts out into the Pacific Ocean at Punta Bandera. But the developer has yet to receive a construction permit from Tijuana’s Urban Development Department, the key city agency that gives the go-ahead for new projects.

“Going through the files, we can’t find an application,” said director Miguel Angel Zavala.

Trump’s Los Angeles-based partner, Irongate, said the much-publicized project is moving forward, despite delays, and that they are in the final stages of presenting documents to City Hall. Tijuana’s Municipal Planning Institute, which conducts initial reviews and submits recommendations to the Urban Development Department, received plans earlier this month, the developer said.

So far, U.S. buyers make up more than 90 percent of the project’s clientele, said Carlos Palafox, director of development for Irongate. To date, 167 units have been pre-sold in the first tower, which will have 232 units on 26 stories and is scheduled to open at the end of 2009, about six months behind initial projections, Palafox said.

About 40 percent of the space has been spoken for in the second 26-story tower.

Buyers who sign a contract agree to put down 30 percent of their unit’s cost over a specified time period, Palafox said.

Trump said in an October 2006 interview that the Trump Organization will be a “significant” equity investor in the $200 million project. But Palafox said Trump has yet to invest in Trump Ocean Resort in Baja. Palafox described Trump as a “branding partner,” meaning that he has lent his name.

“The only thing I am at liberty to say now is that we are working with Irongate on a project there,” Rhona Graff, Trump’s executive assistant, wrote in response to a written query.

Palafox said Trump’s participation is significant for the project, as “Trump has become a highly recognized brand,” Palafox said. “With branding comes a very serious partnership. Trump has to protect their quality standards.”

Trump, a celebrity real estate developer known for his TV show “The Apprentice,” has found success in becoming the public face for many developments that carry his name but not his investments.

Like other developments along the Tijuana-Ensenada coastline, Trump Ocean Resort has suffered from the real estate downturn, as fewer buyers have the equity to purchase second homes anywhere, let alone in Mexico.

“I think that all U.S. projects that target U.S. buyers have been significantly impacted by the U.S. housing markets,” Palafox said. Another factor accounting for the delay has been finding banks willing to lend the capital for the project, Palafox said, as “almost all U.S. and European banks are going through a much stricter authorization and underwriting process.”

Palafox said the financing agreements are confidential.

Construction on the first tower missed its planned March start date, meaning the second tower July commencement will likely not be met with the cutting of any ribbons either.

Palafox said that work has been going on: Workers have been grading the land and installing utilities. “The reason it’s not visible is that it’s all underground.” (We give this a “things that make you go ‘hmm’,” factor of 10+).

Just two years ago, a booming U.S. housing market was a key factor fueling a frenzy of purchases along northern Baja California’s coastline. The chance to own oceanfront property at a fraction of U.S. prices lured many baby boomers to take equity from their U.S. homes to invest in Mexico.

But with the downturn in the U.S. market, Baja California’s coastal real estate sales have tanked. Rafael Liceaga, a well-known Baja California real estate broker, said sales have fallen about 40 percent to 50 percent since the height of the boom but remain above pre-boom levels.

“There continues to be much movement, many transactions,” said Eduardo Rosales, president of the Rosarito Beach branch of AMPI, a national realty agents group.

Despite recent setbacks, “the location is strategic,” said Rosales. “People are investing and are going to continue to invest.”

But now a new market is developing, as buyers are bottom fishing for foreclosure properties and “properties that people are trying to sell ASAP,” said Gustavo Torres, a broker in the Rosarito Beach area and vice president of the local AMPI branch.

At Trump Ocean Resort, “we have not reduced prices at all. Our sales have had a slowdown, but we are still selling,” Palafox said. Prices now range from the mid-$300,000s for a studio on the lower floor to $2.5 million for a penthouse.

A saleswoman said amenities will include four infinity-edge pools, tennis courts, a full-service day spa, five-star restaurants, bars and convention space.

Tom Pfleider, an Inland Empire entrepreneur, purchased a one-bedroom unit in the first tower during Trump’s 2006 San Diego sales event.

“We relied a lot on Trump’s name and the fact that he was doing due diligence,” Pfleider said. “We remain excited and expect it to be a first-class property.”

We, alas, have less lofty expectations, like, the time overdue return of our deposit.

ANEMIC ROYALTY

Michael Daimler

PS: We did neglect to mention Mexico’s outlaw environment. Beyond tragedy for the victims and their families, headlines like the following are, needless to say, disastrous for tourism and real estate sales.

MEXICO CITY, May 9, 2008 — Gunmen assassinated the acting chief of Mexico’s federal police early on Thursday morning in the most brazen attack so far in the year-and-a-half-old struggle between the government and organized crime gangs. Read the entire story (click here). Our heartfelt condolences to those affected.

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LISTEN TO ME

May 5, 2008

“Many thousands of Americans losing their jobs, rendering families as statistics while they are evicted from their homes. Many find themselves without shelter and nowhere to turn but charities and the promise of government aid.” ~ December, 1929.

“WELCOME TO THE OCCUPATION” R.E.M.

LYRICS:

(Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe)

Hang your collar up inside
Hang your dollar on me
Listen to the water still
Listen to the causeway
You are mad and educated
Primitive and wild
Welcome to the occupation

Here we stand and here we fight
All your fallen heroes
Held and dyed and skinned alive
Listen to the Congress fire
Offering the educated
Primitive and loyal
Welcome to the occupation

Hang your collar up inside
Hang your freedom higher
Listen to the buyer still
Listen to the Congress
Where we propagate confusion
Primitive and wild
Fire on the hemisphere below

Sugar cane and coffee cup
Copper, steel and cattle
An annotated history
The forest for the fire
Where we open up the floodgates
Freedom reigns supreme
Fire on the hemisphere below
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me

OK. SayDO…Something.

~ anemi

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BAD GOO

April 28, 2008

Advertising “scalable” to your every need…ugh…

It seems like every time somebody comes along with “the next big thing,” I think…”junk,” and say so, and then they wind up making zillions of bucks. So, do yourself a favor, short my sentiments here, and go glam on to as much stock in this as you can squeeze into your IRA, mattress, whichever you have left.

In yet another attempt to stick it’s fingers in the money goo, Google not long ago teamed-up with fueling system supplier Gilbarto Veeder-Root to equip Internet-enabled gas pumps with the Applause Media System, featuring Google Maps. The setup is supposed to, among other things, allow lost motorists to find themselves, hungry road warriors to feed themselves (and save money doing it with printable coupons), and sleep depraved drivers to scroll around a local map in search for a cot, and free HBO.

What’s wrong with this picture? Well, the top one is just fine, with my edits. But the unedited version, just above, and this whole idea – here’s my take.

Firstly, with gas over $4.00/gallon, you’ve got more money than sense than to be driving, let alone plan a trip without knowing where the best gas prices can be found. OK, excuse – you were in a hurry when you left, and now the battery in your Blackberry is dead. What’s to stop you from pulling up to this web-pump and surfing over to GasBuddy just to make sure Omar inside there is not gouging you, when gas can be had at three-cents cheaper across the street? No foul here, I mean everybody will tell you there is no money to be made at gas pumps, they are merely loss-leaders to get you inside to buy a pack of “square-nabs,” that’s where the real money is.

I guess on a practical level, if your Blackberry truly is dead and you are wayward, this “innovation” could be a godsend. Getting lost out there is brutal. Nobody knows where they are. It’s like, they know they will not get, nor keep, a job at a gas/convenience store unless they act directionally challenged. It’s a rule, printed in the 7-11 employee handbook. It might even be an Arabian sub-terror plot to keep you lost to buy more of their gas.

Talk about frustration and possible road rage, ever get this – “Hmm, I’ve lived here all my life and I’ve never heard of I-40, sorry. Bubba might know, but he’s on dinner break.” You get so upset, you wind up buying gas or “square-nabs” just to calm the nerves. Stupid? It works. They get the sale.

Another reason this thing is just plain dumb relates to patience, or our lack thereof. Waiting in line for anything just plain sucks. We are talking silent wishes for a drive-by shooting of the idiot in front of you with nothing better to do than Google for directions to the best route to discover the “World’s Largest Pecan.”

Maybe though, after a tough day on the thirsty trail, you decide to print out and use that gratuitous 5%-off coupon at the Motel 6, and kick back with the free in-room color TV. Maybe then you’ll have a greater grasp of the local 7:00 “action” news blurting, “Elderly couple flattened at local gas station, right after a word from our sponsor; Google.”

“Breaker-Breaker, good buddy. Howzit lookin’ over your donkey?”

Yeah, gas prices hurt. Check out these peeps fuming in line for the “crisis” at 81 cents/gallon. If you were rich, before you could even get to the “square-nabs,” you might have passed the time untangling the tape in your eight-track installed by your bro’inlaw, or rappin’ on the CB radio. “What’s a Blackberry, Internet…huh?” Some things are a bit better, I suppose.

ANEMIC ROYALTY

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THEN AND MAYBE

April 28, 2008

Do y’all remember when Jimmy Carter was in the White House and his Bubba Brother; Billy would come over and help with the foodage and a beer or three? Me neither. Must have been good times for all.

So, maybe Barack Obama will get his taste back for chicken dinners and head over to Grandma’s for Sunday supper. I dunno, it’s a stretch.

~ ANEMI

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McCain Swallows Pennsylvania

April 23, 2008

REPUBLICAN PRIMARY NEWS

Someday former President Bush brought the post victory party nosh.

PHILLY: We will not spend a bunch of time on this, as you aren’t going to either. The final results are in from last night’s Republican primary in Pennsylvania, and presumptive Republican John McCain, Senator from out west won in the Presidential race. Also rans and Republicans, ditto, losers, were Ron Paul who got shy about 16% of the votes and Mike Huckabee with a tad bit over 11%. McCain got the rest, and there were almost 762,000 votes chadded, so, you can do the math. There were 74 Republican delegates up for grabs, and because Pennsylvania is a “winner-grabs-all” state, that means McCain.

When McCain was declared the winner in Pennsylvania, campaign workers celebrated the victory with a pizza. See above.

Over in Scranton, PA, where some other people were also eating, Barack Obama, The Democrat wannabe answer to what John McCain is, was asked a question, now forever to be known as “the waffle question,” (partly because as everybody knows, answering a question with a question is called “waffling,” which is a close cousin to, but not quite the same as a “flip-flop.”) and answered; “Why can’t I just eat my waffle?”

We had to go, but heard that Obama did indeed eat.

ANEMIC ROYALTY

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Keeping Up With the Tush

April 22, 2008

A NEW CELEBRITY FITNESS CRAZE?

Kim’s been so dang busy on the set keeping up with the rest of the Kardashian’s, and a Jenner or two, that we’ve barely had time to follow the doings of the tush.

“Bumpin’ Booties” with Kim Kardashian

That’s one BIG cop, heY! Yes, there is a physical test which you must pass in a flat 4 minutes and 28 seconds before becoming a flat foot in New York City. From what I understand, “continuing phys-ed” is not required once you’re on the role growing your career in force, but, the initial Job Standards Test (JST) requires:

  1. Running 50 feet to and over a six foot wall.
  2. Climb up and down six stair steps thrice.
  3. Arm wrestle contest with a machine.
  4. Jog about some traffic cones for 600 feet.
  5. Drag a 176 pound doll for 35 feet.
  6. Grab a fake pistol, stick it through a circle, “shoot” it 15 times, switch hands, do it 16 more.

Training tips are available on the NYPD Recruit web site, outwardly; “avoid junk food and concentrate on a well balanced diet for several days before the test.”

Mayor Bloomberg – are you listening? You could trim the cities bloated budget and start a new fitness craze, called “Coppin’ Kim’s Calisthenics” or something. Imagine the hype;

“Do you want ‘buns of Kardashian?’ Now, you too can be the butt with a one-time commitment of only four minutes and twenty-eight seconds. What are you waiting for? Get those yershiks outta your mouth and call today.”

I know, a little rough around the edges, but Spitzer’s not doing anything, get him busy on it. No doubt Kim will go for the money, particularly since Britney Spears just beat her out to be the new model gym-chick for Bally Total Fitness. Whatever. Anything is better than boozin’ around Beverly Hills and fender-bending Bentleys, I guess.

ANEMIC ROYALTY

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