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Get A Job

April 11, 2008

The Silhouettes – Get a Job – 1957

If you are a “I’m between Jobs” mortgage banker and are searching for work in the industry, well, you better be good at what you do – damn good.

A buddy with many years mortgage lending experience in the “A paper” stuff, non-subprime, is caught up in this mess with a vanquished career, replete with all the requisite perks – AKA he’s SOL, screwed, just as badly as the growing population of millions of now homeless “American dreamers.”

Nobody knows how big this mortgage problem is, and the reasons “why not” are many, but, $trillions is a safe working figure. So, in trying to help my bud in his hour, I’m brain-storming, “one man’s misery is another’s gain,” or such, and surely the beleagured banks need experienced people in work-out or turn-around roles, and who better to fill this niche than the very people who actually know the mortgage business? “Great thought, been there, pitched that,” my friend said. His job search has resulted in only rejections and no, zero interest from the banks and/or head-hunters, short of lip-service to what one would think is an obvious first course solution. The banks, are simply not hiring.

Hmm. Banks not interested in hiring well qualified people to protect assets and serve customers, this I had to see for myself. I surfed over to the employment pages of Bank of America and Countrywide Home Loans, and found thousands of jobs at both sites, all over the United States. I picked these two, as my friend had been rejected for various jobs applied for by both, and as they say, might as well start at the top, go to the mountain.

After all, talking big, Bank of America holds more of American’s money than any other bank, and Countrywide is/was/might still be, the nation’s #1 mortgage lender. Now, with all these advertised jobs and choice locations all over the country, I just had to test this, but knew my resume wouldn’t get past the mail room shredder.

What I did next was admittedly cheesy, and please know I am not a tit-for-tat kind of guy, but necessity commanded this “science experiment” continue. Gentle readers, I am far from being alone in realizing we are on the ledge of the worst economic abyss ever seen, so criticize my methodology, if desired, after all, in the end, it’s only money.

Here it is. I applied for various positions at both of the afore-mentioned in locations throughout the land using my real name, supplemented with the cirriculum vitale of Ken Lewis and Angelo Mozilo, Chairmen of Bank of America and Countrywide respectively. Sure, I left out details of Ken’s days selling True Grit magazine and shoes door-to-door, and Angelo’s uncanny ability to keep a Cote d’Azur tan in such gloomy fiscal weather, but the rest is just as factual as they themselves publicly share.

It didn’t take long, usually less than 24 hours from time of application to learn my fate. Surprisingly, to me anyhow, what I got, repeatedly, was exactly the same result as my friend – no, zero interest from either “employer.” No phone calls, no “snail-mail,” no interviews, only somewhat polite email rejections, such as this, to wit:

Countrywide received your application for the position of 1st VP, Foreclosure-10060916. We appreciate your interest in Countrywide, however, at this time we have chosen to pursue other candidates whose experience more closely aligns with the requirements for the position.

We will retain your candidate profile in our applicant database. If you have chosen to be updated via e-mail, you will be informed of new Countrywide opportunities that match the criteria you selected.

We also invite you to visit our career site, http://www.countrywidecareers.com, to view other jobs and to update your profile.

Thank you for your interest in Countrywide.

Sincerely,

Countrywide Recruitment Department

Again, I’m not a banker, so if my mental process is incorrect, I’ll accept that. It’s just that it seems to me that if a guy with the qualities of the Chairman of the Board is good enough to get into such a cluster headache, he ought to be good enough to…well, you know. Whatever, it’s only money.
ANEMIC ROYALTY
by: Michael Daimler

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