Keeping Up With the TushApril 22, 2008
A NEW CELEBRITY FITNESS CRAZE?
Kim’s been so dang busy on the set keeping up with the rest of the Kardashian’s, and a Jenner or two, that we’ve barely had time to follow the doings of the tush.
That’s one BIG cop, heY! Yes, there is a physical test which you must pass in a flat 4 minutes and 28 seconds before becoming a flat foot in New York City. From what I understand, “continuing phys-ed” is not required once you’re on the role growing your career in force, but, the initial Job Standards Test (JST) requires:
- Running 50 feet to and over a six foot wall.
- Climb up and down six stair steps thrice.
- Arm wrestle contest with a machine.
- Jog about some traffic cones for 600 feet.
- Drag a 176 pound doll for 35 feet.
- Grab a fake pistol, stick it through a circle, “shoot” it 15 times, switch hands, do it 16 more.
Training tips are available on the NYPD Recruit web site, outwardly; “avoid junk food and concentrate on a well balanced diet for several days before the test.”
Mayor Bloomberg – are you listening? You could trim the cities bloated budget and start a new fitness craze, called “Coppin’ Kim’s Calisthenics” or something. Imagine the hype;
“Do you want ‘buns of Kardashian?’ Now, you too can be the butt with a one-time commitment of only four minutes and twenty-eight seconds. What are you waiting for? Get those yershiks outta your mouth and call today.”
I know, a little rough around the edges, but Spitzer’s not doing anything, get him busy on it. No doubt Kim will go for the money, particularly since Britney Spears just beat her out to be the new model gym-chick for Bally Total Fitness. Whatever. Anything is better than boozin’ around Beverly Hills and fender-bending Bentleys, I guess.