July 27, 2008


Grown-up cell conversations. What gives? Actual (partial) conversation, and eavesdropping is not required – it’s out there, for everybody to hear:

Hey, you!


Whatcha doin’?

Nothin’. Whatchoo doin’, dawg?

Nothin’. Getting ready to text you.

Really? Cool! Me too!

Me too, what?

You know, text you.

Oh, OK, Cool! Where are you?

At the gym. Where are you?

Really? Me too! Where? I don’t see you.


Honestly, people, lose the cell phone and get a life! Making matters worse are these new, no-thought, State laws requiring your hands to be free while driving, ostensibly for more important permissible things like texting and sucking on a venti sextipple shot soy frappacino vanilla mocha latte with whipped. Want a stock tip? Bluetooth and/or Starbucks, their lobbyists are in every Statehouse in the United States. As if that’s not enough, they’ve gone global, bending the ears of the European Union, now acquiescing to cell phone rapping on planes over European air space. Even Europeans were against that move, by 85% in a published poll! The only saving grace is that “quiet time” is during take-off and landing, so enjoy your nap, I guess.

I never would have believed that hearing aids would become a fashion accessory, but dang if everybody hasn’t got one growing out of their ear canal. And what’s with the flashing light? State trooper-blue seems to be the color of choice, a bonus thrown in by Bluetooth to either ward off mosquitoes or alert low flying crop dusters. However, if you see somebody rapping and the light is not on, there is no incoming voice, so move quickly to the other side of the street. These people are potentially dangerous, as only the seriously deranged talk to themselves.

I used to feel sorry for my Grandparents when their hearing left and it was wear a device or just nod, smile and fake believe they were following the conversation. Old age self-consciousness took over for the longest time, and hearing aids got so tiny folks were actually losing them in their ears. Not anymore – the bigger, and gaudier, the better!

OK, I’m done. Enough. I’ll hang up now.


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