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GOT CHORD?

April 27, 2007

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This is a follow-up to an earlier story; GOT CUFFS?

FILE UNDER: WHAT IDIOTS!
FILE UNDER: HOW IRONIC

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Knock, please…

This is just all too strange, for me anyway. Go read the above linked story, if not already.

Over the past several months, the Atlanta police have been arresting and charging men with indecent exposure for allegedly having sex in the men’s loo(s) at the Atlanta-Hartsfield Airport. Now, the cops are claiming their efforts are targeted toward nabbing erstwhile thieves lifting luggage from the conveyor and relieving same of jewels and other valuables in the men’s rooms. Officer Joseph Villafane (ominous sounding), a police spokesman said, “We’re not out to get all that – it’s just we encounter it.” Read: A close encounter. Sometimes, shit happens in there.

Ok, fine. I’m not buying his version, for several reasons. First, this police “operation” has been ongoing for over three months now, and I’ve yet to get a heads-up on the blight caused by the baggage burglars. Are the Atlanta police making any headway? I ask, because I just got back from Atlanta, sans one suit bag, and no one is bending down to help me. Catching hoods rifling haversacks in restrooms ought to be a no-brainer.

There was a similar problem at LAX at the end of last month, (an American epidemic) where eleven honest-to-goodness crooks were apprehended, but their MO was mainly limited to pilfering purses outside the potty. Paris Hilton got her $100,000 Piaget pinched, and Keyisha Cole’s $7,000 Coultre was copped. The girls got their watches back – California capers closed.

But in LA, the crackdown was the result of a task force involving nearly a dozen law enforcement agencies, including the city attorney’s office, Los Angeles Police Department, U.S. Department of Homeland Security and the TSA. (Wow) Clearly, Atlanta’s police force should learn by example and call in some professionals. I mean, three months now, no line-ups, and I’m still waiting on my luggage.

There are more reasons I’m not buying the Atlanta baggage theft thing. Hear me: where’s the airport ‘mooney’ that pointed the bobbies to the boy’s room? And, what are the girls up to in their can, and how do you know that they’re all girls in there? When I was in the concourse, women were busing hello and good-bye on each other under broad fluorescent bulbs and nobody got busted. Was this some diva’s diversion? Jeepers, Madonna and Britney got paid for that. So, while all this public affection was going on, the Atlanta police ought to have been perusing the powder parlor for my purloined package.

The fuzzes’ story further doesn’t flush, unless they want to claim stupidity. Look, good crooks aren’t dumb. After all this time, no offender has been apprehended, which means the crooks have been following this story through the Internet, Interpol, CB radio, or wherever they get their information, which means we can rule out the WC as the crime scene as far as I’m concerned. My advice is, do what they did in LA, get some hands-on help. Don’t try to handle this ‘hot-pocket’ on your own. Why do your job when you can get someone else to do it for you? This is exactly what Homeland Security, the District Attorney, TSA and anybody who needs a little press are there for. Read your Patriot Act. Thank God for the LA task force. Now, Paris and Keyisha can tell time and gridlock is gone from the Ventura.

Speaking of time, no word on what Atlanta is going to do with those some, thirty-odd doods who were in the place at the right time in the way of ongoing solid police work. Were I their attorney, I’d go for a lesser charge, of say, “interfering with an investigation,” or whatever it’s called. The entrapment defense is just crooning to the choir – used, so best find a deviant somewhere. Anyhow, I doubt the DA will be want to be a complete DA, at least I hope not. ‘Gotta’ be careful in the South distinguishing victims. I saw “nyphonged” just got added to Urban Slang. Being labeled Gay is gay, but can you imagine some creep behind you at the ticket counter muttering; Urban or Nyphong? Ouch. Remember, standards are great, and everybody has one. Boys will be boys, but, boys… even the crooks aren’t doing it in the men’s room anymore. The most recent post at Cruisingforsex on this matter reads, “I hope he wasn’t stupid enough to go back. Although he was stupid enough to go once, maybe he’s not stupid. If he went back he’s an idiot.” Hmm, I think I get it.

And in the file under irony department, one perp’s bio is that of charge of Atlanta’s transportation, one an official with the CDC, one an educator – college prof., one in charge of a symphony choir and an organist with a degree from Ball State. Swanny, Song of the South, go figure. Enough ‘hick pickin’.

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~ Anemi

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