So, I dunno what all the fuss is about with the press and the Chinese gymnasts.
I’ve been behind the scenes and it looks like the gurls are sticklers for the rules, if you ask me. Oh yeah, and Beijing is pronounced with a hard “J” as in; “Jingle,” not some franco-fied gutteral “je.” The Chinese don’t really care though. That is, as long as you are spending money.
All of the “Friendlies” were sighted over at the Pole Dancing Venue. It was a bit difficult to get tickets, but we slid in.
Imagine…Just you and your mouse, and maybe a pad, assuming you are above the high water mark on your sub-prime mortgage, pitted against three other unemployed’s; Howard Stern, John Edwards, and (Not A Prince – see #13) Frederic Anhalt, squirming along and prodded to simply answer a question by your host Larry Craig! What Fun! Some Fathers/Wannabes and the games they play are so overated!
Howard Stern, Larry Craig, John Edwards, and Frederic Anhalt - Players, All!
CHAPEL HILL, NC: Following the yawning revelation of Ex North Carolina Senator and Democratic Presidential wannabe John Edwards admission of cheating on his wife Elizabeth, John was sighted at the back stoop of his compound beginning his “healing process.” The family cat was available, but offered no comment.
A “Stunning S-shaped rechargeable massaging vibrator from Fun Factory. Powerful multispeed orgasmic pulsations are controlled on the handle’s built-in unit – easy to use whether you want a strong massage or G-spot-stimulating penetration. Quiet and discreet, and only £99.99,” which is (what time is it?) about $155.00 in USA bangles and ben was.
(Sea) Horse Hockey! That thang is nothing more than a found warehouse load of unwanted, thus unsold Sea Monkeys that made the mail order rounds 20,000 leagues ago. Somebody in the UK got stuck with these, and put a toggle on it, and voila! A sex toy happened, which is a whole bunch more than I got when I put my seamonkey seeds in H-squared-O, boy, was I pissed!
Anyhow, back in April, London’s leading “boutique d’ amour,” LoveHoney, teamed up with Company magazine to launch the first ever UK Sex Toy Awards.
But rather than leave the important business of reviewing the vibrators to a self-appointed panel of so-called experts (limey-talk meaning the pre-owned vibrator market is dead in Britain), the UK Sex Toy Awards were judged by the people whose opinions matter most, the use-eez’s!
More than 1,000 Company readers applied to be a UK Sex Toy Awards judge, and 20 lucky applicants were chosen to review 10 vibrators worth more than £300! Better than US peeps watching their sub-primes ratchet up, I reckon.
So, I say, lucky indeed, good show and all that!
Anita C. here, a 32 year old office manager in Surrey, England sez; “Following my relationship break-up I’m discovering the delights of being single. This is the perfect opportunity to further my self discovery.” We say, keep plenty of batteries on hand Anita, your fascination with the world of solo opportunities has only just begun.
Nicola S. up there, a 21 year old student howling in from County Antrim goes off with; “My boyfriend (not pictured – just kidding, Nic!) and I will be celebrating our first year anniversary soon and think this would be an ideal way of celebrating.” We say, although it’s obvious you don’t get out much, it would be ideal if y’all get a room at the Durkee Inn or such, you know, keep the fete kinda low key.
“A bubble is how a child’s breath can make something beautiful…from nothing – just like God made the universe. Do bubbles have to break?”
Mr. Bubble passed away this last Tuesday evening, as announced from his Hamilton, NJ home by short-term corporate family associate and restructuring officer; Doug Booth. The official cause of death was a brief bout of bankruptcy, however, those who knew Mr. Bubble, attributed his demise to an agonizing and protracted struggle against avarice, after firstly suffering from a self-inflicted business roll-up some few years earlier. According to the bankruptcy obituary, Mr. Bubble is survived by three layers of debt; levereged, senior and junior, neither of which had anything left to speak of.
Had Mr. Bubble lived, he would have been 88, being born of the Lander family in 1920. Mr. Bubble’s father gained his reputation selling perfumes such as “Romantic Days” and “Samedi Soir.” Lander relinquished his prodigy several times before it was adopted by the Hermes Group, a private equity firm, in 2003, according to the perfunctory regulatory inquest.
Two years later, Lander was placed in another consumer-products home, and took in Mr. Bubble from Playtex in 2007 to reside with Coty’s “Healing Garden.” Final arrangements for the disposition of Mr. Bubble’s remains, if any, are being handled by the firm of Houlihan, Lokey, Howard & Zukin.
And so it goes, but begs the question – in business, is greed ever good? Greed, as opposed to what – honest competition, ambition and hard work? In my grief, I’m going to think about that, as I reflect on fond memories of growing up squeaky clean with Mr. Bubble. It’s just kind of sad, and likewise ironic, that the first business roll-ups to be done in the 1970’s were Mom and Pop funeral homes and neighborhood trash haulers. Tech bubble, stock market bubble, Don Ho and “Tiny Bubbles,” housing bubble – so long, Mr. Bubble…
YOUR MOTHER WON’T KNOW YOU (vintage commercial, and only 49 cents!)
There’s lotsa ways to get kicked from a plane, like; having sex, being too fat or too drunk, carrying along obnoxious brats, smelling a might wiffy, lighting your shoe on fire, or…..being the Prime Minister of Cape Verde!
The national airliner of Cape Verde, TACV, this week asked the country’s Prime Minister José Maria Neves to leave one of its planes. The reason was that the captain did not want transport members of Mr Neves’ security guards, which were carrying arms. The events occurred this weekend as security agents accompanying the Prime Minister of Cape Verde on a trip to the island of São Vicente with the national carrier Transportadora Aérea do Cabo Verde (TACV) were rejected by the pilot.
The security agents wanted to enter the aircraft with their arms, holding these were necessary to protect the chief of government, who was already inside the airplane. However, the pilot refused to take the armed guards on board, leading to the abortion of the PM’s flight to São Vicente.
However, after some negotiation at the Praia airport, the head of government reached an agreement with the national airliner and TACV made another aircraft available to Mr Neves. The PM and his armed guards thus were allowed to go to São Vicente, arriving four hours behind schedule.
Following the incident, which has attracted great attention by media in Cape Verde, the Praia government today announced that it would lodge a protest with the airline as a result of this “surprising and regrettable incident.”
The government statement added that it expected that “legislation and directives applicable in this regard be strictly observed and followed by those responsible.” It further holds that “all routines and special boarding procedures for transporting weapons in the cabin of the aircraft on this mission were, as usual, respected.”
The same sources added that the commander of the PM’s security personnel had requested the necessary permission last Thursday, obtaining such permission the next day. The commander added that the attitude of the captain had been unacceptable.
TACV still is majority controlled by the Cape Verdean government. The small national airliner, which has produced losses for years, is being beefed up financially to prepare for its privatisation in 2009. Originally, privatisation was foreseen for 2007, but no interesting buyers were found.
Looking really brilliant in this picture, U.S. Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson testifies on Capitol Hill in Washington before the House Financial Services Committee hearing on systemic risk and the financial markets. The U.S. Treasury and the Federal Reserve announced steps Sunday, July 13, 2008 to shore up mortgage giants Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Woo-Hoo!
Follow the money? Forget about it – it’s gone. Yours, mine, Wall Street’s, the Bank’s – all gone. Nobody made a dime, and you should do a better job of keeping the part of the curb you are sleeping on cleaner. So many people greased their palms in this mortgage muck (and continue to do so) that it really should be considered, “Economic Stimulus Package I.” Hopefully, you used the tax rebate check from the sequel, son of a stimulus package, to help the Chinese via the Bank of Wal-Mart, rather than further feed the beasts (your mortgage).
Do you really need an explanation? OK fine. Watch Jimmy Stewart here doing a great Henry Paulson impression as he testifies before shareholders during the best bank run/failure there ever was:
Reader poll: “Which weighs more – Amy, or Amy’s hair?” Write us, we wanna know!
In the “is this even possible?” department, Amy Winehouse manages to stay in the news by taking a swing at a “fan,” (human, I suppose) yesterday during her performance at Glasto. If anybody knows what prompted the punch, they aren’t telling, so, let’s just say that of the 80,000 people in attendance, the dude seated front row center was in the right place at the wrong time.
Were it me (the human) I’d be shaking in my rumpled rehab robe. I mean, I have this mental trauma just thinking about being attacked by a 70 pound emphysematic crankster. I personally think Amy should get a gravity award for her ability to remain vertical under the weight of her coif and tattoo ink. Seriously, given her fragile state, and notwithstanding that Amy is a girl (I think), I’d certainly never return a jab, and, nor would I be so bold as to let my friends find about this.
Anyhow, kudos to quick action from the security boys, ensuring safety and freedom for the patrons to pursue other interests, like the concession stand, or voting in Zimbabwe.
~ Anemi
PS – We found it necessary to add this postscript, as a great many gentle readers are somewhat confused. The above photograph is indeed that of Amy Winehouse, not to be confused with the photograph that follows, which is of the fabulous Miss Elsa Lanchester; the original “Bride of Frankenstein” of film fame ~ 1935. Just goes to prove, whatever is old is new again, right, Igor?
Think things are bad in the USA? The head Russia’s Gazprom warned today that gas prices will double by 2009. If you don’t know, Gazprom is a state-controlled monopoly, is the largest gas company – in the world – and supplies 25% of all gas to Europe. Price disputes in the past have caused disruptions. Hmm, winter in Cabo is starting to sound pretty good. Bring your own towels, I do not do wash, heY!
“Many thousands of Americans losing their jobs, rendering families as statistics while they are evicted from their homes. Many find themselves without shelter and nowhere to turn but charities and the promise of government aid.” ~ December, 1929.
“WELCOME TO THE OCCUPATION” R.E.M.
LYRICS:
(Berry/Buck/Mills/Stipe)
Hang your collar up inside
Hang your dollar on me
Listen to the water still
Listen to the causeway
You are mad and educated
Primitive and wild
Welcome to the occupation
Here we stand and here we fight
All your fallen heroes
Held and dyed and skinned alive
Listen to the Congress fire
Offering the educated
Primitive and loyal
Welcome to the occupation
Hang your collar up inside
Hang your freedom higher
Listen to the buyer still
Listen to the Congress
Where we propagate confusion
Primitive and wild
Fire on the hemisphere below
Sugar cane and coffee cup
Copper, steel and cattle
An annotated history
The forest for the fire
Where we open up the floodgates
Freedom reigns supreme
Fire on the hemisphere below
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
Listen to me
It seems like every time somebody comes along with “the next big thing,” I think…”junk,” and say so, and then they wind up making zillions of bucks. So, do yourself a favor, short my sentiments here, and go glam on to as much stock in this as you can squeeze into your IRA, mattress, whichever you have left.
In yet another attempt to stick it’s fingers in the money goo, Google not long ago teamed-up with fueling system supplier Gilbarto Veeder-Root to equip Internet-enabled gas pumps with the Applause Media System, featuring Google Maps. The setup is supposed to, among other things, allow lost motorists to find themselves, hungry road warriors to feed themselves (and save money doing it with printable coupons), and sleep depraved drivers to scroll around a local map in search for a cot, and free HBO.
What’s wrong with this picture? Well, the top one is just fine, with my edits. But the unedited version, just above, and this whole idea – here’s my take.
Firstly, with gas over $4.00/gallon, you’ve got more money than sense than to be driving, let alone plan a trip without knowing where the best gas prices can be found. OK, excuse – you were in a hurry when you left, and now the battery in your Blackberry is dead. What’s to stop you from pulling up to this web-pump and surfing over to GasBuddy just to make sure Omar inside there is not gouging you, when gas can be had at three-cents cheaper across the street? No foul here, I mean everybody will tell you there is no money to be made at gas pumps, they are merely loss-leaders to get you inside to buy a pack of “square-nabs,” that’s where the real money is.
I guess on a practical level, if your Blackberry truly is dead and you are wayward, this “innovation” could be a godsend. Getting lost out there is brutal. Nobody knows where they are. It’s like, they know they will not get, nor keep, a job at a gas/convenience store unless they act directionally challenged. It’s a rule, printed in the 7-11 employee handbook. It might even be an Arabian sub-terror plot to keep you lost to buy more of their gas.
Talk about frustration and possible road rage, ever get this – “Hmm, I’ve lived here all my life and I’ve never heard of I-40, sorry. Bubba might know, but he’s on dinner break.” You get so upset, you wind up buying gas or “square-nabs” just to calm the nerves. Stupid? It works. They get the sale.
Another reason this thing is just plain dumb relates to patience, or our lack thereof. Waiting in line for anything just plain sucks. We are talking silent wishes for a drive-by shooting of the idiot in front of you with nothing better to do than Google for directions to the best route to discover the “World’s Largest Pecan.”
Maybe though, after a tough day on the thirsty trail, you decide to print out and use that gratuitous 5%-off coupon at the Motel 6, and kick back with the free in-room color TV. Maybe then you’ll have a greater grasp of the local 7:00 “action” news blurting, “Elderly couple flattened at local gas station, right after a word from our sponsor; Google.”
“Breaker-Breaker, good buddy. Howzit lookin’ over your donkey?”
Yeah, gas prices hurt. Check out these peeps fuming in line for the “crisis” at 81 cents/gallon. If you were rich, before you could even get to the “square-nabs,” you might have passed the time untangling the tape in your eight-track installed by your bro’inlaw, or rappin’ on the CB radio. “What’s a Blackberry, Internet…huh?” Some things are a bit better, I suppose.
You know the economy is bad when nothing, and I mean NOTHING is going on in Hollywood worthy of reporting. What to do when you need a story, and can’t even find a Yorkie to kick down Rodeo Drive? Hmm. GOT IT! What say we check in with Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband, Frederic, and catch a glow of what he’s been up to, what fun, heY!
But first, up for a bit of sport? How about a multiple choice quiz, I’ll call it Truth or Dare Paparazzi, where you, are the Photog, and your mission is to get a pic of Zsa Zsa Gabor. (Told you things were slow). As with anything worth doing, this is not going to be easy, and there is a “price” to be paid. So, to get the winning shot, which are you more willing to endure?
a) Getting a rep for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.
b) Getting a fat lip from an old person who thinks he’s a younger man and an old monarch for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.
c) Wasting three years by suing an old person who thinks he’s a younger man and an old monarch for giving you a fat lip for hanging around Beverly Hills street corners and snapping pics of old people.
d) Gah, I dunno, all of the above.
I know, tough choices, but, this is Hollywood, land of “Greed is Good,” so take answer “d”, be safe and go for it all.
This is exactly what photographer Dirk Smeten, age unknown, did, saying he worried he would be killed when Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband slugged him in the face three years ago on a Beverly Hills street corner.
In his legal complaint, Dirk claimed Frederic von “Ask Him” (Gabor’s husband) aged apx. 75, was in the vicinity and began punching him about the lips while Smeten photographed him and/or Zsa Zsa Gabor, aged apx. 92, in May 2005. According to the complaint, the blow(s) caused Smeten to fall down in suffering with lip lacerations, cuts to his face, swelling, pain, high blood pressure, headaches and stress symptoms, to which Smeten continues to this day to get psychiatric care.
Herr von “All Sprechen” said he initially wanted to give Smeten about twenty large for busting on his chops, but Smeten opted for the long court road home in search of $137,000. On Friday, the court awarded Dirk $4,510, about right I’d say, after three years of negative economic adjustments.
A search for Smeten for comment turned out to be fruitless, however, von “Au Lait” was sited in West Hollywood savoring a Starbucks and sucking a stogie, and graciously consented to the following interview:
PS: There is an awful lot of this stuff rearing its ___(s) (pick whichever body part you delight to complete descriptive) on the WWW as of late – again. I dunno, it seems whenever the world’s economy gets stuck, or there are mindless, ceaseless wars, its deja vu with all this conspiracy talk. For me, it’s human nature to want to blame somebody else for problems, but re-hashing the same tired arguments is – tired. Now I love a good conspiracy story, and often they make compelling page-turners, but debates are always won on facts. Making the rounds once again thanks to the “illumaniti,” as it has since World War II, is this preponderance of evidence that the world’s wealthiest families, e.g.; Rockefellers, Rothchilds, Warburgs, DuPonts, Easys, etc., form this secret-private coalition/cartel with designs to control banks, soverign nations, oceans, whatever. These stories have made many an author rich, famous, and infamous. To the latter, I refer to that great poet and visionary pioneer of the “modernist” movement, from Hailey, Idaho; the late Ezra Pound. Fascinating guy, became an on-air radio Nazi propagandist and Mussolini sympathiser whilst living in Europe, turned himself in in 1945 for treason against the United States, had what appeared to some as a nervous breakdown, plead insanity at his trial (treason is supposed to be a capital offense) and spent 13 years in a mental facility; St. Elizabeths in Washington, DC. Following his release, he declared “America is a lunatic asylum,” and motored back to his favored Italy, where he died in 1972.Sad, but it is noted, some of his best work ensued during this, his “blue period” hospital days, leading many to question his “insanity.” Pound, among other things, knew how to tell and sell a story, and favoured grand conspiracies. Among the better tales, was that of the history of the United States Federal Reserve and how the wealthy of the world conspired to control the banking system and start World War’s I and II for personal profit. Whilst a mental patient, Pound was permitted a few privileges, including a personal researcher; Mr. Eustace Mullins of Roanoke, Virginia, who had been fired by the Library of Congress, to assist with Pound’s literary career. Pound commissioned Mullins to write the story, cautioning care to “tell it like a detective story.” The book; “Secrets of the Federal Reserve,” was the product, and has been re-written in subsequent books by others many times since. All decent and compelling page turners, all frought with inaccuracies and historical mis-statements of facts, all bunk. Read them if you have time and desire, I’ve read them all, and will even loan you my copies, if needed (borrowed from somebody else, heY!). Alas, all the doods from the “modernist” movement are now dead and gone; Yeats, Sandburg, Hemmingway, etc., save one lone survivor; Eustace Mullins. Enjoy Mr. Mullins views of the world in the short interviews below. Today, Mullins serves on the editorial staff of the far-right Willis Carto’s “American Free Press” and is a contributing editor to the “Barnes Review.” A word of caution to those who care about men suffering obviously from “Oldtimers,” – Mullins, as you will see, is, like many of his peers, a devout anti-semite. Sigh. Lastly, believe whatever you want to believe, I say. Can’t live your life in the baby seat. Just, be careful.
Anemic Royalty 