BANG BANG

Soooooo, here’s a little story and quizlet to give you cause to know what is important in your life. Ready? Here we go…

A husband and wife live in a house.

The husband works long hours and

his wife often feels neglected.

Every morning when he goes to work,

she crosses the only bridge in the town that spans

the river and goes to see her lover.

Now, this doesn’t happen every day,

but often enough, and she feels guilty about it.

But, she’s lonely.

One day, the husband tells his wife that he’s going on a

business trip and he’ll be gone for the whole weekend.

She begs him not to go because if he does, she knows

she’ll go over the bridge to be with her lover.

She says, “take me with you.” Alas, he says, “no.”

He suspects something is not straight up,

but leaves for the business trip anyhow.

Welp, sure enough, once he’s gone,

she goes over the bridge to her lover’s place.

The husband calls her late at night,

and says he’s coming home early.

She freaks and scrambles to put on her clothes,

and runs to the bridge to return home.

On the bridge, she sees an assassin.

She knows if she crosses the bridge, the assassin will kill her.

The only other way to cross the river is by the ferry.

She goes down to the ferry captain

and says, “I need to cross the river PDQ.”

He says, “the ferry has stopped for the night,

but for fifty pounds, I will take you across the river.”

She has no money, and the captain says,

“That’s your problem!”

So, she runs back to her lover’s place and asks him for the money.

He says, “this is your problem, you deal with it.”

Panicked, she runs back to the bridge.

Despairing, she starts across and sure enough,

the assassin shoots and kills her. (Sad now, sigh).

Soooooooooooooo, Here’s the quiz. Please rank, from 1-5,

with 1 being the most responsible,

and 5 being the least responsible

who is the most responsible for the wife’s death.

The WIFE, the HUSBAND, the LOVER, the CAPTAIN, or THE ASSASSIN? Rank them in order.

Your choices are symbolic, and explain your priorities in life:

LOVER = SEX
WIFE = FUN
ASSASSIN = DANGER
BOATMAN = MONEY
HUSBAND = LOVE

Yikes! Have a great weekend, heY!

~ a n e m i

BAD GOO

Advertising “scalable” to your every need…ugh…

It seems like every time somebody comes along with “the next big thing,” I think…”junk,” and say so, and then they wind up making zillions of bucks. So, do yourself a favor, short my sentiments here, and go glam on to as much stock in this as you can squeeze into your IRA, mattress, whichever you have left.

In yet another attempt to stick it’s fingers in the money goo, Google not long ago teamed-up with fueling system supplier Gilbarto Veeder-Root to equip Internet-enabled gas pumps with the Applause Media System, featuring Google Maps. The setup is supposed to, among other things, allow lost motorists to find themselves, hungry road warriors to feed themselves (and save money doing it with printable coupons), and sleep depraved drivers to scroll around a local map in search for a cot, and free HBO.

What’s wrong with this picture? Well, the top one is just fine, with my edits. But the unedited version, just above, and this whole idea – here’s my take.

Firstly, with gas over $4.00/gallon, you’ve got more money than sense than to be driving, let alone plan a trip without knowing where the best gas prices can be found. OK, excuse – you were in a hurry when you left, and now the battery in your Blackberry is dead. What’s to stop you from pulling up to this web-pump and surfing over to GasBuddy just to make sure Omar inside there is not gouging you, when gas can be had at three-cents cheaper across the street? No foul here, I mean everybody will tell you there is no money to be made at gas pumps, they are merely loss-leaders to get you inside to buy a pack of “square-nabs,” that’s where the real money is.

I guess on a practical level, if your Blackberry truly is dead and you are wayward, this “innovation” could be a godsend. Getting lost out there is brutal. Nobody knows where they are. It’s like, they know they will not get, nor keep, a job at a gas/convenience store unless they act directionally challenged. It’s a rule, printed in the 7-11 employee handbook. It might even be an Arabian sub-terror plot to keep you lost to buy more of their gas.

Talk about frustration and possible road rage, ever get this – “Hmm, I’ve lived here all my life and I’ve never heard of I-40, sorry. Bubba might know, but he’s on dinner break.” You get so upset, you wind up buying gas or “square-nabs” just to calm the nerves. Stupid? It works. They get the sale.

Another reason this thing is just plain dumb relates to patience, or our lack thereof. Waiting in line for anything just plain sucks. We are talking silent wishes for a drive-by shooting of the idiot in front of you with nothing better to do than Google for directions to the best route to discover the “World’s Largest Pecan.”

Maybe though, after a tough day on the thirsty trail, you decide to print out and use that gratuitous 5%-off coupon at the Motel 6, and kick back with the free in-room color TV. Maybe then you’ll have a greater grasp of the local 7:00 “action” news blurting, “Elderly couple flattened at local gas station, right after a word from our sponsor; Google.”

“Breaker-Breaker, good buddy. Howzit lookin’ over your donkey?”

Yeah, gas prices hurt. Check out these peeps fuming in line for the “crisis” at 81 cents/gallon. If you were rich, before you could even get to the “square-nabs,” you might have passed the time untangling the tape in your eight-track installed by your bro’inlaw, or rappin’ on the CB radio. “What’s a Blackberry, Internet…huh?” Some things are a bit better, I suppose.

ANEMIC ROYALTY

Chris Crocker on Christianity

Chris Crocker “makes his bed” out of the Bible

You’ll get no debate out of me when it come to free speech, First Amendment rights, and all that jazz, but there really ought to be a law prohibiting “B” stars, wannabes, or anybody for that matter, in using religion as a prop to advance a fizzling acting career. It’s just…tired! Chris is a bright guy, and I expect more from entertainers than another reverse hate speech on Christianity and sexual orientation. Chris’s latest diatribe follows:

FOR EVERYONE UPSET ABOUT THE BIBLE PICTURE:

Before I get started, let me just say that any Christian who threatens to kill me or tells me to die or wants to beat me up is not only a hypocrite, but is also disobeying the bible.

Any Christian who wants to kill me for ripping up the Bible is full of shit. If someone were to break a Britney CD, I wouldn’t get mad because I understand that people have rights. Same thing.

For everyone surprised by the fact that I have a picture of me with a ripped Bible – don’t be. Do NOT be surprised that I am not Christian. Why are you surprised that I don’t support a book that doesn’t support my lifestyle? I don’t hate God, I hate the man who wrote hate into the bible. Any book that says I am going to a fiery place in my afterlife for sleeping with a man is NOT a book I support.

I will admit that I am biased based on my personal encounters with Christians, but for the most part, I have only known them to be good for one thing and that’s threats. They think they can threaten you because they think they’re powerful. They think that everyone should be Christian and if you’re not, you’re nothing. I’ve known ATHIESTS who were more humanitarian-like than most Christians.

Being religious does NOT make you a good person! Being CHRISTIAN does NOT make you a good person! Being honest and wanting peace makes you a good person..

The saying is ‘Live and let live..’ and a lot of Christians don’t know how to do that. They think it’s their duty to apoint you and change you and it just isn’t.

Think about it.

If there is a God he (a: isn’t going to expect me to know he exists because I am human and the bible was written by human- (b: he/she/it isn’t going to send me to this “fiery” place called hell just for sleeping with a man.

If he is a God worth my worship, he isn’t going to care who or what I fuck.

If he is a God worth my worship, he would have came down from his cloud a long time ago.

I know a lot of Christians say ‘Oh, I’m not like that! Those are the hypocritical Christians!’ — in my mind all Christians are hypocritical. Most Christians can believe in a man who rose from the dead, but they can’t believe in an Alien sighting..

OK, for all you people who are all like “i’m a christian and i don’t support hate….” or “not all christians are bad, i’m open-minded, i support blah-blah-blah” I have one thing to say to you: SAVE IT.

Yeah, while you were out being a good, non-gay hating, “open-minded” Christian, 3 of your youth-pasters are probably out posting hate-mail to me on myspace and hasseling 13-yr old gays on their way to school.

While you were being “tolerant”, a kid one state away was being beaten to death, or shot for being gay..

If you support us, ask yourself this: how many people know it? Does your family know it? Does your boyfriend/girlfriend/ wife? Are you scared to show your support for gays, and if you are why? Are you witnessing the voilence and hate around you?

The truth is, even CHRISTIANS are afraid of Christians! I know Christians who support gays and they’re afraid to show it because they’re afraid of what the Christian community might do to them.

it’s like a gang or a cult.. and is that really something you want to be a part of?

The people doing the preaching are the scary ones.. the ones doing the preaching are the ones you need to be scared of, not gays.

In my experience, Christians are some of the most hateful and conniving people I have ever come across. My grandparents were kicked out of a church they went to for 25 years, just because the church found out that I was gay. They claimed that by ME being gay that my grandparents were in support of a corrupt lifestyle.

First of all, I am 20 fucking years old. Secondly, what I do and what my grandparents do are totally different things. You would think that they would want to support my grandparents even more, if they believed what I do with my life is so sinful, but instead they shunned them away.

If that isn’t betrayal, I don’t know what is. Years and years of going to church with the same people and then kicked out for what your grandson does.

Also, for those hundreds of you who say I am being hypocrticial for posting the picture; saying that I am spreading hate- I am simply sticking up for myself. This is my response to everyone who has ever told me I am going to hell because of that book. I HATE the fact that millions of gay people are being told they are going to hell because of that book. I am PISSED that millions of gay peoples lives are ALREADY HELL because of that book.

The picture is for every Christian who has ever threatened to kill me- The picture is for every gay person who has ever been told they are going to hell.

THAT’S what the picture is for.

You Christians have more hate in your heart than you know what to do with. You can’t handle a liberal like me expressing my rights. It doesn’t piss you of that I am ripping up a bible about some God you believe in- It pisses you off that I know my rights.. It pisses you off that I don’t feel oppressed by you.

AND I’M GLAD IT PISSES YOU OFF.

Eventually everyone is going to wake up and see this world as it really is..

The world would be a much more peaceful place without religion. The goal of religion isn’t to spread peace or positivity- it’s to spread elitism and hate. I can almost guarantee the death-threats I will get are 99.9% going to be/have been from Christians who think killing gay people is the only way… well, forgive me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t it say in the Bible that taking someones life is a no-no?

Thank you for your time, Dear sweet Christians of this world.. I hope that you will all start practice what you preach, instead of threatening to kill people.

Sincerely not sorry,
Chris Crocker

“EVERYBODY IS UP TO SOMETHING, heY!”

Happy New Year!

~ X anemi

GOP Holiday Ornaments

This year, OuteasY and Anemi are pleased to present for consideration to The Official Republican National Committee our Senator Larry Craig commemorative ornament, sure to provide a festive reminder of all Gay Old Pedophiles. You can display your Republican sentiments on a desktop, mantle, holiday decoration, or get the Pine-Sol scented unit, and hang from the mirror in your car, heY! Drop us a note or tap a message and get yours today. Don’t delay, it will slip up on you and is just around the corner! Thank you,

~ X anemi

“TRUST ME ON THIS, TRUST NOBODY, heY!”

Kickin’ Back

“Get Back, Get back to where you belong…”

WeHo – A babbling Paris Hilton was sent back to jail on Friday as a judge overturned a sheriff department’s decision to place the heiress under house arrest after just three days behind bars.

The pseudo-celebrity trembled and cried quietly throughout the hearing and then broke into loud blubbers when the judge ordered her back behind bars. ‘Mom, Mom. It’s not right,’ she shrieked as she was led out of the courtroom. Paris Hilton is 26 years old. Her mother, older we believe, Kathy Hilton, sobbed.

Los Angeles Superior Court Judge Michael Sauer ordered Hilton to complete her 45-day sentence in jail rather than at home, marking a fitting turn of fortune for the multimillionaire socialite who believes she is the symbol of America’s celebrity culture. HOT? NOT!

“SISTERS” ~ anemi

ALL KNOWING GOOGLE. Can’t ‘foo’ da ‘GOO!’

Jo Jo’s a loser? heY!

ACTOR KILLS IOWA OFFICIAL

ROB LOWE KILLS IOWA OFFICIAL STATE BIRD

Rob Lowe pries the errant low-flying projectile from the Finches death clutch, opting for a free drop, as a horrified Iowa Democrat looks on.

ROB LOWE IN FEATURE FILM; “THE OUTSIDERS”

WEST DES MOINES, Iowa – A ball hit by Rob Lowe while outside playing in a celebrity golf match, hit the Iowa state bird in mid-flight Wednesday who was previously enjoying the tournament.

The 43-year-old actor was hitting an approach shot on the fourth hole when his ball hit the official goldfinch, dropping him cold, about 50 yards short of the green, The Des Moines Register reported.

As the rest of the players in his group tastelessly broke out in laughter and applause, Lowe joined in, raising his arms in mock celebration.

“That’s my birdie,” he said after looking at the bird, which lay motionless on the ground.

With little thought as to potential career ending ramifications, Lowe quipped, “That’s unbelievable. Who comes here and kills the state bird? Only me.”

Al Sharpton was not believed to be in Iowa to witness the spectacle, and has intentionally not been sought for comment. Speculation has it, what with the Iowa Presidential Caucuses looming large, Sharpton will likely be on-hand to crash the bird’s funeral.

Lowe, who appears on ABC’s “Brothers & Sisters,” was playing in Principal Charity Classic Pro-Am at the Glen Oaks Country Club. He also starred in NBC’s “The West Wing,” and is not considered to be serious.

Being a slow week for news, unless you count Paris Hilton in and/or out of prison, the omnipresent Finch Paparazzi flocks to the scene for a photo-op of the slain state official, a felony in the State of Iowa.

The most assuredly dead Finch, already tarred and de-feathered, has been prepared for burial at sea, a pre-death wish, after being land-locked in Iowa for all his short life. The body is currently lying in prone in the Iowa State Aviary, with visitation limited to those who may be interested in seeing a dead bird.

Mr. “Finch,” huh? Where’s “Buffy & Jody?” heY!

~ X anemi

YARD PARTY

KIM KARDASHIAN

We heard that – you can’t say; “Son-of-a’ B_,” here! Weary, after a day of shopping, famous Armenian, and more famous for knowing Paris Hilton, Super Cellulite Socialite Kim Kardashian has a gathering on her back yard.

SOCIAL CLIMBERS

Need Money? Hey, be like Paris and do a sex tape, then be sure to lose it on the Internet for exponential growth. Kim Kardashian, daughter of one of the O.J. Simpson “dream team” lawyers, dropped her suit against Vivid Entertainment over the release of her sex tape co-starring rapper Ray J., in exchange for $5 million. “We’ve always wanted to work something out with Kim so she could share in the profits,” Vivid co-chairman Steven Hirsch said. Meh-he-he, talk about rapid gross box appreciation! Three months after Vivid bought the tape from a “third party” for $1 million, Kardashian sued for invasion of privacy, claiming that selling it was “despicable” and “malicious.” Must of had a really good lawyer. Beats me who will be interested in “invading” the outwardly non-private “despicable!” That’s what’s “malicious!”

Our attempts to contact Miss Kardashian to get her take on global warming and the still sticky Sheryl Crow tissue went unanswered.

KIM KARDASHIAN SEX GODDESS

This just in, from; “‘Suit’-Case Solved”…

Dear Anemi,

I just wanted to thank you for this post. Weighing heavily on my mind for years, it was Kim’s father; Robert Kardashian, who met OJ Simpson at LAX on his return from Chicago to face the music. Testimony was that Mr. Kardashian was the last to handle Simpson’s baggage, which was never recovered. Without fear of myopia, you have surely cracked the case. Someone should should page Mark Fuhrman to join the “yard party.” Sign me,

“Suitcase Solved” 😉

heY Butt-ie, ‘da Conga line forms in ‘da ReaR, oY!

HITLER IS ALIVE! CLICK THE PIC FOR THE SHOCKING STORY, heY!

PARIS’ PEN PALS

 

PARIS HILTON: IT’S OFFICIAL – SHE’S IN!

New Contact Info. as of today, June 4, 2007

Century Regional Detention Facility (CRDF)

11705 South Alameda Street, Lynwood, CA 90262
Bus. Phone: (323) 568-4500 * Watch Commander: (323) 568-4506

General Inmate Information, call: 213-473-6100 or visit the:
Inmate Information Center

Century Regional Detention Facility (CRDF) FOR MORE INFORMATION PLEASE REFER TO OUR WEBSITE AT: lasd.org OR CALL (213) 473-6080.

Public Parking: is available and accessible off of Alameda Street, just south of Imperial Highway.

Inmate Mailing Address:
Inmate name and Booking Number
11705 S. Alameda St.
Lynwood, Ca. 90262

Visiting Hours:Mon.-Fri. (for professional visits only): 9:30 a.m. – 1:00 p.m. & 2:00 p.m. – 4:30 p.m. Sat. & Sun. (regular visiting): 8:30 a.m. – 3:30 p.m. & 5:30 p.m. – 7:30 p.m. Holiday Hours: 8:00 a.m. – 3:30 p.m. & 5:30 p.m. – 7:30 p.m.Last group of visitors must be checked in by 6:30 p.m.

PARIS IN PRISON ~ JOIN THE FORUM!

PARIS IN PRISON

Come on over and rap about great stuff, like; “What Are You Wearing,” and “Where’s The Party,” and oh so much more. What fun!

PAMPER PARIS IN PRISON!

LISA STEBIC

R.D. = WebMistress of the Cool, heY!

COUNTESSA TO CON

I’m Not Going Anywhere Until I Exfoliate!

Be a Paris ~ Somebody’s Got To Keep the ‘PAR-TAY’ Pumpin’!

You can bet Paris Hilton has a grand entry planned for Tuesday when she reports Lynwood County Jail. Insiders are dropping items that the Paris wants the media and her scads of fans to see her looking her best.

“The timing is to make sure she makes all the celebrity weeklies,” says an insider. “Paris is a genius at marketing herself. She managed to turn having a sex tape to her benefit, and she’s going to do the same out of going to prison.” (Hope her fellow cons don’t read this!)

Sources say Hilton has ordered a glam squad (hair and make-up) to meet her at her Hollywood Hills home at 9 a.m. Monday, the day before she reports to jail.

But all this fuss is part of a grander plan apparently, sources say. “It’s not just about marketing, it’s about making money. If she can set up her entry into jail in a very grand way, the payoff will be greater.”

Other Reports say that Paris will take pen-to-hand and write a prison diary during her 23-day sentence, for big-bucks publication upon release.

“Paris’ prison diary will make a more dramatic read than Martha Stewart’s,” says a source close to Hilton. “If she can make it believable, and not exaggerate too much, she might expect to make a million dollars out of it.” (I think I see a ghost, writer!)

The source says Hilton will most certainly be glam as she walks into jail. (Hope nobody spoils the look with an egg toss enroute!)

“Paris is the queen of the prop,” the source says. “Expect her hair pulled back in a ponytail, big sunglasses and maybe a Holy Bible under one arm. And she just got a new kitten, so maybe she’ll hand that to her sister (Nicky) as she gets out of the car … There might even be tears.”

Meh!

do they have a tradin’ post? heY!

Creative Cons

Updating the Jurgen and Emilia von Anhalt Case:

Look at their “Macro Diamond.” Do you know how teensey .25 mm is? Meh!

OSC, ‘psychic’ settle diamond case

TORONTO — The “psychic consultant,” Fran Harvie admitted directing Lydia Diamond Explorations of Canada Ltd. to where she felt diamonds might be located at the company’s Ontario exploration site.

The revelation appeared in the settlement agreement endorsed by a panel of the Ontario Securities Commission, under which psychic Fran Harvie was cited for illegally selling Lydia shares and collecting commissions.

She received a reprimand and a five-year ban from trading securities and from acting as a director or officer of a public company.

The settlement says Lydia principal Emilia von Anhalt approached Ms. Harvie as a client in her psychic consulting business.

After Ms. Harvie told Ms. von Anhalt that she would be mining diamonds, Ms. von Anhalt returned with maps and “Harvie ‘dowsed’ the maps with her hands and showed her where she felt the diamonds were located,” the settlement agreement said.

Later, Ms. Harvie was invited to the exploration property, where she used dowsing rods, and “the physical locations lined up with the locations on the maps,” the agreement says.

The two women became friends, the settlement says, and Ms. Harvie told acquaintances of hers about the mining company.

Between 1999 and 2001, Ms. Harvie sold Lydia shares to several hundred people — although the stock was issued in her name — and she earned about $95,000 in commissions for bringing the investors to the company.

Ms. von Anhalt and her husband, Jurgen von Anhalt, also were charged and convictedby the OSC with breaking securities laws in the distribution of Lydia shares.

The von Anhalts’ lawyer, Joseph Groia, originally said that Ms. Harvie’s role in the case against his clients is obscuring the fact that Lydia is a legitimate diamond exploration firm.

Mr. Groia said he would introduce evidence at the OSC hearing that will show “this is a very real . . . exploration property. It has absolutely nothing to do with psychics, and it has everything to do with very credible experts who will say that this property shows a lot of potential and promise.”

He accused OSC staff of using the titillating information about Ms. Harvie’s role “to sell newspapers.”

In addition, he said, the emphasis on Ms. Harvie “creates a serious risk that the company will be damaged for no good reason.”

In an interview after the original OSC allegations, the von Anhalts denied seeking psychic guidance in their search for diamonds, and said Mr. Harvie never worked for the company.

Mr. Groia said that “if the suggestion is that this company has been using psychics to find promising [geological formations], that’s nonsense. Absolute nonsense.”

The company used “credible geological people and people with solid backgrounds.”

OSC vice-chairman Howard Wetston, who led the panel hearing the settlement proposal, acknowledged that Ms. Harvie’s illegal actions in selling those shares were not deliberate, she was not aware she was breaking the law and she was not actively selling shares but rather making introductions to Lydia.

Ms. Harvie would not make any comment after the hearing concluded. OSC spokesman Frank Switzer said the sanctions would send a message that the commission is very concerned about the distribution of securities by people who are not registered to do so.

Wanna buy a whale? heY!

Lindsay Lohax

Mebe somebody should write her a petition to sign, heY!

BORROWED FROM OuteasY…

“Like all industries, ‘Hollywood’ produces waste. Whichever frauds are used, these wastes must be managed in ways which safeguard human health and minimize the impact on our living environment. ‘Hollywood’ is the only industry which does not take full responsibility for their waste, and the cost of same is factored into the consumer product.”

do U kno where ur treez R? heY!

Tales From the Condo

You’re more likely to be plagued by these apparitions than what follows. Those little brown grocery bag looking things are Mummy Aphids. Round up a bunch of ladybugs and let ’em have at it. Each ladybug will eat about 100 of these plant suckers (literally) a day. And in the WTF department, I don’t think even the best Realtor can help you here…

In Madrid the other day, there was a man making his first visit to a home he bought in a foreclosure auction found the former owner’s mummified body sitting on the living room couch, police said Tuesday.

Coroners estimate the woman’s remains had been there since 2001, when she stopped making payments on the residence in the coastal town of Roses in Spain’s northeast Catalonia region.

The body mummified instead of rotting partly because of the salty seaside air in Roses, a Catalan regional police official said, speaking on customary condition of anonymity.

The woman, in her mid-50s, was estranged from her children in Madrid, and no one had reported her missing. She was not identified by officials.

Police said her death also went undetected because her ground-level apartment is in an area of vacation homes with a high turnover of travelers.

Roses Mayor Carles Paramo told the newspaper El Mundo it was normal that no one missed the woman because in housing developments like this one “people are not minding other people’s business.”

But authorities were surprised that bank officials who sold the residence after the foreclosure never bothered to examine it, the police official said.

Buyer Jordi Giro acquired the home last week. He visited it Saturday because a fire in the same building had forced the evacuation of some residents and he wanted to check for damage.

Cryptic tales WTF, heY!

Popular Alcoholics

NEW WEBSITE LAUNCHING LAUNCHED! >>>

We’re sloshed right now, and we don’t even drink!. There is so much of this stuff going on, thanks to our ‘PAR-TAY’ pals in Hollywood, we’ve had to introduce a whole great big full bar standing room only website! There’s only a jigger-full there now, and real soon, wouln’t you like to go where everybody knows your shame! WELCOME THE NEWEST BARFLIES AT ~ “POPULAR ALCOHOLICS” http:popularalcoholics.wordpress.com
We’ve got a stool for ya!

Actress Lindsay Lohan was cited Saturday for investigation of driving under the influence after an early morning traffic accident, according to the Beverly Hills Police Department.

Sergeant Mike Foxen said that Lohan crashed her Mercedes convertible into a curb near the intersection of Foothill Drive and Sunset Boulevard. Two other people were in the car with her.

Lohan, who was slightly injured in the accident, was taken to a local hospital by a private vehicle.

No one else was hurt and no other cars were involved, Foxen said. He did not have other details.

The actress was not taken to jail, but Foxen said a citation was issued at the hospital.

She will have to make a court appearance sometime in the next month, according to the police.

Lohan publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnik did not immediately return an e-mail requesting comment. (Nobody ever returns our email until it’s too late).

Lohan recently sought treatment at a rehab facility in Malibu, Calif.

The 20-year-old underage drunk and soon to be has been actress said during a recent interview that she decided to enter the secluded Wonderland Center, an addiction treatment facility, not because she was an addict, but at the suggestion of her therapist.

“It’s so weird that I went to rehab. I always said I would die before I went to rehab,” Lohan said.

Her room was “all white, with a parquet, and it was different! I just felt safe,” Lohan said. “I thought, I’m going to stay here tonight. And I stayed there. For a month. It was great.”

Lohan said in January that she had checked into the center. Her publicist Leslie Sloane Zelnick confirmed in December that Lohan was attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

Lohan recently avoided theft charges because prosecutors couldn’t confirm she walked off with someone’s clothes.

The Los Angeles district attorney’s office declined to file felony grand theft charges on May 9 because of insufficient evidence, spokeswoman Jane Robison said.

Shaken & Stirred, heY!

The Other White Meat

A Hog’s Tale. Things that make you go hmmm…

I love a good pig story, but something is not quite right here. Take a look at the “Great White Hunter.” That’s a sturdy boy, and knowing the size of the weapon he is holding, he’s about 5’5″ – 5’7″ in height. They are claiming this hog is 9’4″, so using the boy as a dimensional reference, the hog would have to be over 15 feet, unless, of course, the kid is three feet tall, which would be a wee bit short for an eleven year old. They say the hog measures 54 inches around the head. Huh? If this is true, then the kid would have to be at least nine feet tall. Now, I know they “super-size” stuff in the South, but this would likewise be a little tall for his age, but it’s never too soon to be thinking scholarship. You can do the math on the tree, boy, hog, etc. What do you think? Greasy?

HOGZILLA (SOMEWHAT RELATED, BUT NOT)

AND WHILE WE ARE WAITING ON CONFIRMATION, BE THE FIRST TO IDENTIFY THIS PHOTOGRAPH

Boy bags hog said bigger than ‘Hogzilla’
By KATE BRUMBACK, Associated Press Writer

MONTGOMERY, Ala. – Hogzilla is being made into a horror movie. But the sequel may be even bigger: Meet Monster Pig. An 11-year-old Alabama boy used a pistol to kill a wild hog his father says weighed a staggering 1,051 pounds and measured 9-feet-4 from the tip of its snout to the base of its tail. Think hams as big as car tires.

If the claims are accurate, Jamison Stone’s trophy boar would be bigger than Hogzilla, the famed wild hog that grew to seemingly mythical proportions after being killed in south Georgia in 2004.

Hogzilla originally was thought to weigh 1,000 pounds and measure 12 feet in length. National Geographic experts who unearthed its remains believe the animal actually weighed about 800 pounds and was 8 feet long.

Regardless of the comparison, Jamison is reveling in the attention over his pig, which has a Web site put up by his father — http://www.monsterpig.com — that is generating Internet buzz.

“It feels really good,” Jamison, of Pickensville, said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press. “It’s a good accomplishment. I probably won’t ever kill anything else that big.”

Jamison, who killed his first deer at age 5, was hunting with father Mike Stone and two guides in east Alabama on May 3 when he bagged Hogzilla II. He said he shot the huge animal eight times with a .50-caliber revolver and chased it for three hours through hilly woods before finishing it off with a point-blank shot.

Through it all there was the fear that the animal would turn and charge them, as wild boars have a reputation of doing.

“I was a little bit scared, a little bit excited,” said Jamison, who just finished the sixth grade on the honor roll at Christian Heritage Academy, a small, private school.

His father said that, just to be extra safe, he and the guides had high-powered rifles aimed and ready to fire in case the beast with 5-inch tusks decided to charge.

With the pig finally dead in a creek bed on the 2,500-acre Lost Creek Plantation, a commercial hunting preserve in Delta, trees had to be cut down and a backhoe brought in to bring Jamison’s prize out of the woods.

It was hauled on a truck to the Clay County Farmers Exchange in Lineville, where Jeff Kinder said they used his scale, which was recently calibrated, to weigh the hog.

Kinder, who didn’t witness the weigh-in, said he was baffled to hear the reported weight of 1,051 pounds because his scale — an old, manual style with sliding weights — only measures to the nearest 10.

“I didn’t quite understand that,” he said.

Mike Stone said the scale balanced one notch past the 1,050-pound mark, and he thought it meant a weight of 1,051 pounds.

“It probably weighed 1,060 pounds. We were just afraid to change it once the story was out,” he said.

The hog’s head is now being mounted on an extra-large foam form by Jerry Cunningham of Jerry’s Taxidermy in Oxford. Cunningham said the animal measured 54 inches around the head, 74 inches around the shoulders and 11 inches from the eyes to the end of its snout.

“It’s huge,” he said. “It’s just the biggest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Mike Stone is having sausage made from the rest of the animal. “We’ll probably get 500 to 700 pounds,” he said.

Jamison, meanwhile, has been offered a small part in “The Legend of Hogzilla,” a small-time horror flick based on the tale of the Georgia boar. The movie is holding casting calls with plans to begin filming in Georgia.

Jamison is enjoying the newfound celebrity generated by the hog hunt, but he said he prefers hunting pheasants to monster pigs.

“They are a little less dangerous.”

Sausage, I bring eggs, heY!